Dear life,
I’m sorry to disappoint you. Forgive me for betraying you by not being myself so that others do not judge me, forgive me for not listening to you, for giving up on you, for believing that you would always be waiting for me.
- Being myself in a world that does everything.
- I cannot be a feat: criticism.
- Curious looks.
- Subtle mistreatment.
- Hypocrisy wrapped in hugs.
- Expectations of others.
- Toxic relationships.
- Stress.
- Etc.
Each of these reasons has hurt me in planning my priorities. You know what happened? I was wrong. I confused paths with hope, I thought I was creating a healthy emotional future when I was actually making castles in the air.
I didn’t realize it until I was ready to climb to the top of the tower, but there were no steps. Then I realized that, for fear of rejection and harming others, I had abandoned.
I had ceased to be myself. I recognize that. I had heard the bell that was ending recess and could do nothing but be perplexed by looking at the lost hands of life.
In this trance state, I realized I had good and bad cards in my deck. I played a lot of good games, but maybe I used them with the wrong people and the wrong way, although it doesn’t make any difference at the moment, as more and more letters arrive. In my analogy, cards mean opportunities, something I don’t think will ever fail, as long as something in me changes.
However, I must admit that I feel very tired playing, there are so many marked people, so many people who have let me down, and have deceived me so much, that sometimes I can only feel that they are taking advantage of my goodwill.
On the other hand, I have to say that I understand that family, health, friends and our own essence are crystal balloons that must be kept in balance in the air. And I could feel the feeling of defeat when one of those balloons falls and breaks at my feet.
I cried more than once to damage my balloons and realized that at that moment everything changes and that when the damage is done it can no longer be repaired, besides thanks to the moments when I was tricked I realized that the work is not a crystal ball like the others, but one of those that bounces and , therefore, at the end of life it is not so important.
Today I am also aware that the very fact that toxic people stop talking to us requires emotional relief so intense that sometimes it ends up being overwhelming, it is as if the garbage has been cleaned, even if the conscience does not let me say it. Noisy.
I’ve met people. I’ve come to understand. Based on the blows I still feel today, I decided to apologize and forgive myself, which is almost the same, because it gets to the point where we can fake many things but forgiveness. No matter what you want, words, that don’t talk and tears that don’t cry will always weigh in your backpack
So today I take a step forward and run to meet that part of me that bad people and poorly planned priorities hid at some point, so I say goodbye to everything that hurts me, that’s why I’m asserting myself!That’s why I know myself again!So I’m going to give it another chance!