No matter how hard you try, you end up in the same profile as people in your romantic relationships, those who are inundated with discomfort, obsessions and end up forming destructive relationships. Have you ever wondered why you attract people you don’t like?Was it unlucky? Not at all: what happens to you has a name and is known as the vicious cycle of “re-traumatization. “
When we repeat the same couple pattern over and over again something happens, it’s not that people come near us because they do, but because we choose them and attract them for some reason, rather than stop them, we invite them into our lives. Is there anything in them that attracts us, even if sooner or later the story repeats itself?
- “Everyone has the love they think they deserve.
- Everyone has the destiny they think they deserve and everyone has the life they think they deserve.
- Anonymous?.
What don’t we know during the enchantment phase?To find the answers, we not only have to look at how we behave repeatedly when we meet someone, but we also have to look at childhood, because for some reason we repeat. our past and relive what at some point hurts us.
Laura was a young woman who, at 18, began having her first romantic relationships, had low self-esteem and, thanks to social media and cats, managed to feel that there were people who might be interested in her. In fact, she fell in love with the first boy who did, although at first she wasn’t physically attracted, she thought that might change over time.
This guy cheated on Laura, She discovered several messages on her cell phone flirting with other girls and mentioning “the good times she had that day. “However, he remained silent until, over time, he could no longer. but before she split up, Laura already had a new person to date: a married person, someone who cheated on her partner who had cheated on her.
Laura’s relationship was disastrous and she didn’t realize she was reviving them. She never took the time to be alone and began relationships with people she didn’t really like. I was wrong. It was not love I felt, but a need for approval and a quest not to be alone.
“Destructive relationships are usually an eight liar. ” Bibiana Faulkner?
All of Laura’s relationships were destructive and repeated the same pattern, the people she started a relationship with married or ended up being unfaithful, that is, Laura had relationships in which her partners distanced themselves from her, left her alone, replaced her with someone else, cheated on her and lied?Where could all this come from?
Laura had lived through a family situation in which her father had deceived her mother, which had allowed this to happen, and who at one point had done the same and deceived her as well. His parents were about to divorce, but they continued. Until the last twenty. years, have definitely come to an end. Her mother always felt deceived, alone, as if she were “the other. “His father always cheated on his mother, he always led a double life. He even had a son in one of his other relationships.
Laura did not know how much her family context had affected her, in her relationships he chose companions similar to her father, one way or another she has experienced this loneliness, this feeling of being the other and the fears she lived as a child. .
Attracting him several times is just a warning sign to start becoming aware of what’s happening to us and making decisions about it. There’s no point in blaming others for what’s happening to us now. We are responsible for our own lives and only we can decide how we want to live it.
This is not an easy situation. Laura, for example, might have gone so far thinking it was better to be alone so as not to meet people who would continue to hurt her, the thus rejecting any potential couple, even if she did not continue to perpetuate life. standard that had been met until now. It would be limited and probably not happy.
That’s why it’s important not to fall into extremes, find balance, see what failure, what mistakes we make and what leads us to have destructive relationships, all of this is very important to build our relationships.
Destructive relationships weaken us inside, exhaust us, rob us of all energy. However, don’t you know that with a single decision this situation could reach 180?
It is possible to get out of destructive relationships. We just need to be aware of the trauma that lives in us and that marks us, our only goal is to overcome it.
Let’s not blame ourselves, victimize and obey. With one decision, we can change the direction we’ve taken so far. Are we prepared to face the fear of change?