Sometimes we do this: we throw ourselves into the void blindfolded and our hearts open, wanting to love and be loved. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Porque somos víctimas de los puntos ciegos a los que nos aferramos a la fuerza en relaciones caras, amores imposibles, lugares donde el autoengaño teje una magnífica telaraña en la que estamos atrapados.
To understand what these blind spots really are, let’s start with a little experiment: close your eyes for a few seconds, then open them to look at a window, letting sunlight touch your face directly for a few seconds.
- Now keep an eye on any point.
- We don’t realize it.
- But inside the retina there are photoreceptors.
- Small nerve cells that capture that light and send information to the brain.
- At an almost imperceptible moment.
“Denial is useful, noble and pious when it serves as a transit for a new affirmation. ” – Ortega and Gasset-
Now, it should be remembered that in the retina there is a small area where there are no photoreceptors: they are called blind spots, since the eye does not capture any stimulus, it is normal that we all see our own reality. with little blind shutters coming out of these blind spots. However, our vision does not lose detail, is it perfect, wonderful when it brings us all the nuances of a face, a landscape?
How is that possible then? If there is an empty area, a blind area in the retina, how is it possible that we see the world so clearly?The answer is simple and at the same time troubling: does the brain handle the gaps?Incredibly the same thing happens in the field of psychology, there are realities around us that we do not realize, they are empty spaces, usually negative facts that dissipate like fog on the horizon of our conscious world.
The brain, once again, takes control by selecting the information around us through a filter. Thanks to it, negative perceptions are mitigated, putting a wall to attention and thus minimizing the impact of disappointments. This kind of self-deception art is particularly important. common in the world of emotional relationships, shall we talk about it?
“My partner is neither controlling nor jealous, in fact, what happens is that she cares about me, she loves me very much. “”The thing is, now he’s very stressed about his work and he needs time, he’s got a lot to do. his mind and I understand it, but there’s no crisis, we still love each other like we did on the first day.
From the outside, for most people, it is easy to see what is behind these realities that challenge us so much, that they squeak so much before our eyes and ears, yet those who live immersed in their blind spots do not even perceive them, feel them or want to see them.
These are your lifeguards, your painkillers, your lifeline on which to continue floating in the face of a reality that sometimes sinks. Because the trick of self-deception is the most sophisticated strategy within the reach of the human being; through it we stifled the smoke of stress and cast concerns and responsibilities to act on an obvious problem by the chimneys of unconsciousness.
This mental haze caused by blind spots makes the most complex psychological strategies work, ranging from classical denial, rationalization or selective attention, where we focus only on what we are interested in, but ignore the rest.
Machado rightly said that there is something worse than dark reality, and that is not to see it, fact, no doubt, very common when it comes to affections and the vast labyrinth of love, where it is always better not to see?Lose your loved one.
Robert Trivers is a sociologist and anthropologist well known for his work on self-deception, according to him, this refined strategy, practiced so much by human beings, is much more sophisticated than mere lies, in this sense lying to oneself requires a deep and more delicate architecture.
Not only that: when we have the evidence delegated to the unconscious and the lie to consciousness, the cognitive cost is immense, this effort to make everything believable turns blind spots into a real trap for us to get caught, to be victims of ourselves.
“A lie would make no sense if the truth was not perceived as dangerous. “- Alfred Adler-
If we now wonder how to illuminate these mental corners of the person who has practiced them for a long time with their emotional partner, it is worth saying that it is difficult, when we try to open a person’s eyes in love, rejection and denial is more likely to occur.
So, before we fall into such a mental strategy, when what we are living is a real risk to our own integrity, our self-esteem, and our values, we must try to control the most common blind spots that appear in a relationship. some examples:
In conclusion, it should be remembered that the use of blind spots occurs very often within relationships based on addiction, it is in this type of interpersonal sphere that reality is more likely to be distorted to maintain convenience, with the idea of maintaining this impossible balance without realizing the emotional and psychosocial effects that this entails.
As Albert Camus once said, it’s the truth, like light, blind. The lie, in turn, is like a beautiful twilight that highlights each object, so we must avoid living in that twilight that, in the end, precedes agony. We must have the courage to open our eyes to the truth.