Disdain takes the form of a word that hurts and demoralizes, it is also a gesture, an arched eyebrow that reflects the rejection of what is said or done at any given time.
Few behaviors are as detrimental to psychological integrity as those that gradually break a relationship or forever mark a child’s development.
- Although we are more accustomed to speaking and reading aspects of hatred and indifference.
- It should be noted that contempt is undoubtedly the deadliest emotion.
It is a weapon of mass destruction that requires a little more sophistication, so while anger or indifference can be ad hoc and momentary reactions, contempt originates in much darker underground territory.
He who clearly despises intends to humiliate the other. He seeks to ridicule, disparage and even nullify the other person openly and obviously, does so in search of the perfect opportunity, and achieves it daily, leaving a wound in his mind, a fracture in self-love and brokenness. forever with the bond of trust.
Parents, couples, co-workers, etc Contempt can be very open or appear discreetly and enigmatically, in any case there is one thing to keep in mind: those who despise show cowardly behavior that feeds on resentment. and an absolute lack of emotional maturity.
“If you manage not to despise anyone, you will free yourself from the danger of many weaknesses. ” Charles Dickens?
We all have, in a way, the memory of a situation in which we feel the wound of contempt. Maybe it was in childhood, when someone didn’t understand our effort to make this drawing, that detail that was once criticized and even ridiculed.
One of our parents may even have had this strange ability to underestimate everything that was done, said, or desired.
There is also the possibility that we had an emotional relationship in which our partner had this habit, the habit of criticizing our tastes, underestimating opinions, making fun of every little thing we did or stopped doing.
It is no coincidence that John Gottmann, a psychologist and famous specialist in romantic relations, announced after nearly four decades of research that contempt is one of the factors that herald most separations.
Let us take a deep look at the dimensions that often define the act of contempt.
Continued contempt not only creates psychological damage, but also harms health. The University of Pennsylvania conducted a study at several schools and discovered interesting data.
The first is the effect of this dimension on self-esteem: all those students who have been victims of humiliation and contempt have a weaker and more negative view of themselves.
Thus, contempt and situations of repetitive stress and vulnerability have a serious effect on our immunity, it is common that we have more colds, allergies, digestive problems, infections, etc.
We must understand that contempt is the most harmful dimension that we can receive and offer to others, it is a way to invalidate, it is an absolute lack of compassion and empathy, it causes pain in others and feeds the seed of anxiety and fear.
This attitude eventually breaks with our emotional relationships and causes our children to grow up in fear and with a fragmented and weak self-image.
Let us reflect on this, recalling what Honoré de Balzac said on the same subject: “Incurable wounds are those inflicted by language, gaze, mockery, and contempt. “