Forgiveness is not an easy challenge. It’s all the more complicated because the person who caused the damage is close and deeper. In this article, we will take a closer look and try to answer a question: is it necessary to forgive to heal?
In fact, as much as we can come up with strategies or ideas, there is no one-of-a-all manual for healing wounds, whether it’s the ones we cause or the ones that cause us. On the other hand, and in the same context, there is pain: sometimes with such intensity that it prevents us from moving towards forgiveness or the construction of a new story.
- According to the dictionary.
- The word forgiveness means: “Excuse.
- Absolve.
- Surrender (penalty.
- Guilt.
- Debt.
- Etc.
- )”.
On the other hand, beyond semantics, each culture lives and understands forgiveness differently, even the same person can attribute different meanings to it at different stages of their life.
However, both sides associate the act of forgiveness with a form of relief. Forgiveness was even considered therapeutic. Many people who can forgive report that a great weight has been taken from them.
Some societies or collectives project the idea that forgiveness is a virtue that, by its qualities, becomes a kind of duty, so many people claim to grant forgiveness by obligation, which in turn reduces the natural process of forgiveness In fact, this false projection of forgiveness turns out to be an obstacle to its granting , compliance or reception.
If we think of situations that most people would find difficult to overcome, such as rape, it may be easier to understand why it can be so difficult to forgive. However, if a person who has suffered feels they have an obligation, forgive, they may feel guilty for not doing so.
Therefore, forgiveness does not always lead to healing if what is done is to prolong suffering over time, so we must think about the extent to which forgiveness is appropriate.
Sometimes people associate forgiveness with forgetting an offense. When you force yourself to forgive, you can hurt yourself a lot, too. That’s why there are people who believe that forgiveness goes beyond oblivion. These people suggest that it’s about getting rid of the burden so you don’t get hurt. When you release this burden, you can remember the event without the negative feelings that accompany it.
When forgiveness is a sincere choice, it promotes healing, even in situations where it believes it is unimaginable to obtain forgiveness.
How could that be possible? You should regard forgiveness as an act of release, not just a reconciliation, then you can renounce grudges and anger or express those feelings, forgiving and considering what happened as an apprenticeship; however, if you consider it an act of reconciliation, it is more complex to apply to all situations.
In addition, you have every right to take your time to forgive or not to forgive. Similarly, you have the right to heal without acting. Healing doesn’t mean forgiving. Resilience helps you overcome pain-causing situations.
Now, if you want to work on forgiveness or figure out how to do it, there are books that can help you, an example would be Daniel Lumera’s Seven Steps of Forgiveness, which shows the true meaning of forgiveness.
Also, if you find it difficult to forgive, you can rethink your experiences, that is, give them a new meaning, that is healthier for you, that promotes learning and helps you to be in tune with who you are, without having to force yourself.
In short, forgiveness is a very personal choice. It depends on how you perceive forgiveness, what beliefs you associate with it, the society in which you live, what you have learned, among others. If it contributes to your well-being, go ahead!