If you came here with the idea of learning to manipulate someone, you’re in the wrong place. This article has another purpose. What we intend to do is try to give some advice so that, if you wish, you can generate a change of circumstances in which you can not only intervene, but also others.
I’ll start by recommending a curious and interesting book: How to win friends and influence people?From Dale Carnegie, in its pages you can find very good tips and techniques to generate changes. The book was written in 1934, however, by reading it today, we can continue to follow its recommendations. This is undoubtedly one of the copies that cannot be missing from our library.
The ways you can encourage change in others, as the book of Carnegie says, are:
? Start a conversation with honest approval and appreciation
? Check other people’s mistakes without doing so directly.
? Talk first about your own mistakes before mentioning the others.
Let the other person defend himself from his accusations?and you can give your point of view.
? Praise every time an improvement or change occurs
? Generate and promote the good reputation of others, talking to others about their virtues.
? Use motivation and inspiration to make easy-to-change mistakes or failures.
? Make others happy with the choices they have made and you too with the results they have achieved.
So, is it possible to make changes to others?Although, as always, there are some problems to consider, first of all, it is not about modeling all of us on our side to be our subjects, so that they cannot think of their own fears and have to say?yes?for everything. It’s about helping them or promoting a common good, without ever taking advantage of it.
Think of an easy-to-understand example. We are in a relationship and our partner is very complicated, we also have children of crawling age who take everything to their mouths, in that situation would it not be good to generate change or help that change happen?
Have you met me like that!? Yes?If you don’t like it, you can find another one!?. However, things are not so black and white, the first step is always to open a dialogue around change, it is essential that the other person accepts and understands their or their positive side We will need their consent and help.
Phrases like, “You always leave everything behind!?,” You’re messy!?, “It irritates me that you leave everything behind!?
1. Even the most messy people repair it, so that’s not the case?Always?.
2. A person does not essentially take disorder or organization. A person practices disorder, but this practice can be changed. We can’t change who we are, we can change what we do.
3. Your feelings of discomfort are your responsibility, not your partner’s. Don’t project them together or, for whatever change you make, your discomfort will never end.
How can I do that? It gathers the reasons: being more organized, the baby will be less in danger, you will be able to give a better impression to the people who come to visit us, you can find everything more easily, our relationship will improve, etc.
Once the agreement is reached, the important thing is to define a series of concrete measures to achieve this, this is important because, in this way, we move the commitment to tasks that wait in memory, much easier to achieve. tasks, the goal will be much easier to evaluate and reward.
With small changes in our attitude and words, in the way we express ourselves, and in the way we structure our message, we can help or contribute to change; at other times, an example will be taken for the other to follow, or to thank and highlight the small progress that is taking place in the sense that we have previously agreed.
It is good to note that, in order to achieve what has been agreed, it is not worth using all kinds of strategies, with this we mean those that are unethical, such as emotional blackmail, we cannot discuss the reason for the change. in our suffering or judging ourselves for the reason
Don’t even say phrases like, “If you don’t, is it because you don’t like me very much?”This is out. If deep down you think your partner is doing such a thing because you don’t like it, what you have to do is leave the relationship, but not use it to manipulate it.
Finally, we propose Dale Carnegie’s rules in the book: how to make friends and influence people?To have happier relationships:
one? Don’t deny or reject without giving an explanation. Help the other person build a healthy explanation for their rejection.
2? Don’t try to improve the other at all costs. The most incredible and momentous changes in your life will be what you can generate within yourself.
3? If you want to criticize, do it constructively, avoid it?Could that be done better this way?
4- Be grateful, attentive and do not neglect the small details
We hope this article has been of great help to you and, as always, we will be happy to hear your comments and suggestions.