A sleeping love is like a bird locked in a cage, exists, lives there, we can hear its singing, the heartbeat, but it cannot extend its wings to fly freely, this is a situation in which many loving couples can live. There’s a deep affection, you both know it, but it’s not enough to fill your life with magic.
This feeling can be confusing. Sometimes you may think that you no longer love that person, even if you feel affection for him, but if you risk losing him, you will immediately detect that what exists is a sleeping love. Still, you doubt it. Is it worth pursuing a relationship that doesn’t make you vibrate ?, Is it really loving or just personalized?
? It’s a life without it like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead?-Oscar Wilde-
After a few years of relationship, almost all couples raise these questions, also raised by a group of researchers from Florida State University (USA). U. S. ) From this observation, they developed a study to determine whether, with a specific change in relationships, they would develop again. They found out that was the case.
We know that the first steps of a relationship are always the most exciting. In this initial phase, which is called “falling in love”, the world seems different. Yes, we feel butterflies in our stomachs. But besides, it seems that everything has a meaning and also no meaning, a complete and true meaning, as if it had found a piece that completes a puzzle, it is as if this, in turn, reveals an exultant and wonderful figure.
When you are in love you know what eternity tastes like, however, to the extent that we do not want, this early magic slowly dissipates, butterflies fly more slowly and we discover that infinity also has limits, if love were a plate of food, you could say that the aesthetic with which it was presented broke, partly because of what we chose and because we started eating it.
At this point, there is literally a disappointment: it is not uncommon for us to encounter nuances that we do not like, we gradually let go of the illusion and return to reality, always a little more disappointing, if there is a valuable bond between the couple, they manage to get around the moment to move forward at a more relaxed, less emotional, but deeper pace.
However, over time, there is also some nostalgia for the lost, so it feels to be in love, that nostalgia is the one that asks us specifically if love stays, has changed or is gone.
We do not reject our partner, but the enthusiasm of the first encounters is no longer there. There is no desire to end the bond, but there is a sense of unhook towards it. In addition, we realized that what was not before was not difficult for the other now, costs, what we did with real pleasure and joy became too steep a climb.
This is the moment explored by researchers from the University of Florida and for which they managed to find a key that reactivated the couple. See.
Scientists wondered what would happen if participants were trained to change these automatic associations. The experiment, taking into account this hypothesis, aimed to have everyone associate with their partner new images and ideas, all positive. , for example, a puppy. And he didn’t see a bunch of bottles, he saw a nice animal.
Psychologists used the operational conditioning method, which was to reinforce each time the person associated their partner’s image with a positive image, and no negative stimulus or stimulus if they have not. The experience included a group of 144 volunteer couples, draw more objective conclusions, some presented the same with positive and other neutral images.
Experience has shown that researchers are right in their assumptions about “sleeping love. “In fact, those who were conditioned by positive associations with their partners felt that the relationship had been revitalized. it showed no great transformations, so it has been found that love is also a subject that fits and falls into the brain, and is very sensitive to associations.
Thus, it was discovered that by saving and improving the image of the couple by creating connections of this image with positive stimuli, love is resurrected, perhaps that is why, in couples where there is mutual admiration, love barely begins to snore and needs. be excited.
Images courtesy of Astrid Torres.