Do we know how to listen to people or do we just listen to what they say without considering the emotional meaning of their words?For good interpersonal communication, it is necessary to call the active listener.
Many definitions are offered for the ability to actively listen, but they all agree that it is a skill that has two essential ingredients: understanding and attention. These two characteristics form the basis of the active listener.
- As part of active listening.
- We invest many of our resources to try to understand the message of the person we are listening to.
- And we also inform the person we are talking to if we understand what is transmitted.
- This means being psychologically available and attentive to the speaker’s messages.
The opposite of active listening would be distracted listening, in distracted listening we are present in the place where the dialogue takes place, but our mind gives priority to other discourses at the expense of what is being shared with us at the moment. actions, we devalue what is transmitted at the moment of dialogue, which would negatively affect our ability to grasp the content of the message sent by our interlocutor, in this sense, active listening serves, among other things, to show empathy and to understand emotions of others.
The lack of communication we suffer today is largely due to those people who cannot listen to us, we spend more time worrying about our own speeches and clarifying our point of view than with what the other person wants to share, and therefore the essence of communication is lost. It’s wrong to think it’s heard automatically, but it’s not. Listening requires, in many situations, a greater effort than we do when we speak.
“If you want to be wise, learn to question rationally, listen carefully, respond with serenity, and remain silent when you have nothing to say. -Johann Kaspar Lavater-
Despite the importance that we usually attribute to verbal communication, between 65 and 80% of our total communication with people is done through non-verbal channels, for communication to be effective it is more appropriate to have coherence between the speech and non-verbal expression. In this sense, in active listening we find a parallel: it is as important to listen as it is to make the other feel that one is listening.
Active listening means listening to and understanding communication from the speaker’s point of view. We mean the ability to hear not only what the person is expressing directly, but also the feelings, ideas, or thoughts behind what he or she is saying. To be able to understand someone you need some empathy, that is, know how to put yourself in each other’s place and try to understand what you are feeling there.
Nonverbal language affects the way we act and react, whether in relation to people or ourselves. To listen beyond words is to understand, understand, or make sense of what is heard and what you see. Understanding the person we are talking to, in all dimensions of what he means to tell us, does not mean agreeing with everything he says, but listening clearly to what he is saying.
“When someone listens to us, there is unlimited pleasure in the brain, similar to that of food and money. -Adelina Ruano-
Most people like to talk more than listen. Speaking of ourselves, we activate pleasure-related areas of the brain. That’s why it’s normal, to some extent, to prefer to listen to yourself than others.
Dale Carnegie wrote a book that, in the United States, became more read than the Bible. His title was “How to Make Friends?” and it was actually a treaty for a country that used its philosophy and method to improve human relations. Darnegie focused on how the confidence generated by active listening positively influenced personal relationships, creating new ones and strengthening those already established.
Active listening gives us the opportunity to create a social network in which complicity prevails, to listen to the other, to set aside what we do, to pay attention even if what the person tells us seems incorrect or irrelevant, allows the speaker to be able to express himself as he really is.
When we listen carefully and without interrupting, we can make the speaker feel relaxed and take off with us, revealing their most real feelings. Most of the time, we don’t need other people to give us their opinion, but just to sit next to us and listen to us.
Sometimes we have the power to help people without moving a finger, and most of the time we are not aware of it. The gift of listening allows us to better understand people, make them feel more connected to us and make us more likely to establish a positive relationship, in that sense what we give will have consequences for ourselves, so even if it is based solely on a selfish interest, active listening is worth it.
“When a friend asks you for advice, they don’t really want to listen to you, but to vent by telling you about their injury. Listening to you is like giving you the best advice.
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