Cognitive distortions are rigid and erroneous thought patterns that our mind uses when processing information, selects the information considered, how it is and the results, in the form of thoughts and emotions, of this treatment.
There are different types of cognitive distortions and everyone experiences them at some point in their lives, if distortions appear sometimes pointy are not a problem, however, if they appear frequently, they cause problems in interpersonal relationships, psychological discomfort and are an obstacle to personal development.
- For couples.
- It is common for cognitive distortions to also make their mark.
- If distortions dominate our thoughts related to coexistence.
- Love or the famous RD.
- The relationship will go through a moment of crisis.
- Therefore.
- Detecting the cognitive distortions that lead to the processing of information in the relationship is fundamental to gaining quality of life and being happier.
Excessive generalization occurs when one or two isolated incidents are used to formulate global statements or rules, an example of excessive generalization would be: if my boyfriend forgets to buy something I asked for, the next time I need a favor, I won’t ask you because I think “you always forget everything I ask of you. “
The most important problem with excessive generalization is that it makes the person to which he belongs a judge who imposes sentences all the time, and that leaves the judged person without the capacity for change because, if a mistake means that we always make mistakes, why?Are you trying to change?
A useful strategy to overcome excessive generalization is to look for data that contradicts the general rule; for example, if you think your boyfriend is forgetting everything you’re asking, it’s important to look for examples of situations where he remembered what it’s about training your ability to question yourself to be more objective about the information you trust to come to a conclusion.
This distortion is observed when you experience an experience through a lens that greatly increases certain points or negative characteristics. At the stage of couple passion, it is common for people to filter the results of their encounters using extremism, either by converting a small detail. into something fantastic, or a little flaw in something catastrophic.
Extremism is also seen in couples who are not used to having discussions or in those who have them for the first time, when they find themselves in a situation where they do not reach a common point of view, disagreement is seen as something that cannot be overcome. and that will be an obstacle to the growth of the relationship.
Examples of this cognitive distortion would be 😕 I can’t stand you disagreeing with me or “I caught you in a stupid lie, but it’s the same thing, is it terrible that you lied?”One tool to combat extremism is to enrich our emotional vocabulary by looking for common points for what we want to express.
This cognitive distortion is responsible for situations in which the person feels the cause of the other person’s mood or behavior. For example, thoughts like: “This certainly came from a grumpy job because I didn’t text you at noon?” Or ‘Since I stayed up late with my friends, now I’m home and he doesn’t want to hear from me’ .
Personalization creates a sense of excessive responsibility for the well-being of others, because the person has an important capacity to control the emotions that their partner may feel.
A practical exercise to combat personalization is to draw a circle and spread 100% of the responsibility for what happened among all possible causes, regardless of only the responsibility you think you have on the fact in question.
It consists of defining the other person in a negative, disqualified and global way. Negative disqualification results in the identification of negative characteristics in the partner (a) in virtually every area of his life. Some examples of this would be :?Is he a selfish person who continues to watch football while speaking ?,?Or “it seems silly, it’s hard to understand when I explain it, isn’t it smart. “
The most important problem with this cognitive distortion in the relationship is that if you don’t put the brakes on, you run the risk of falling, according to psychologist John Gottman, one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse that precedes a separation: contempt. the positive of the person with which we have a relationship makes us enhance a negative image of him or her, and therefore increases emotional discomfort, anger and irritation.
Emotional reasoning makes us look for external causes that we feel and understand that if we are wrong about a situation, it means that the situation is bad and that something or someone is responsible for it.
This cognitive distortion in the partner causes an overflow of emotions in the person and decisions are made solely based on emotional state. An example of emotional reasoning would be: “I’m sad, I feel abandoned because you haven’t sent me a message all day. “
Deciding solely on how we feel is not positive because we base our decision on something ephemeral and constantly changing like emotions, the relationship needs long-term continuity and commitment, and this cannot always be based on the emotional impulses of the moment.
To combat emotional reasoning, it is essential to distinguish between how we feel and what the situation is like in an objective way, to make an effort to observe what is happening from the outside and what is not happening, the emotion that invades us. that one would give to a friend in the same situations is an exercise in psychological detachment to combat emotional reasoning.
Reading the mind encourages the person to take a defensive attitude toward what the other person thinks. This cognitive distortion in the relationship also makes us act in terms of information that we “assume”, not in terms of information that we actually “have”.
Here are some examples of reading in thoughts: “Although I said you don’t mind staying home, do I know you’re angry?”‘O’ although my boyfriend congratulated me on being promoted to work, I’m sure I think I deserve it.
To combat this distortion, it is essential to be clear that many times we are not sure what is going on, what it feels like and what we think, it is impossible to know with certainty what the other person thinks, even if you know a person a lot, it is very difficult to know exactly what they are thinking.
A maxim to combat mind reading is ” question before guessing ”. Ask yourself questions and ask what you want to know about your boyfriend instead of trying to guess.
To better understand how your mind works, you’re taking the first step necessary to break your limits. If you work to combat the cognitive distortions that appear in a relationship every day, you will feel like in possession of your thoughts, free of prejudice and ready to live your relationship to the fullest.