Psychiatrist Luis Rojas Marcos offers us the recipe to keep love: “Maintaining admiration for others and complicity understood as a shared project. “
As with so many other issues in life, if we were to debate whether love always involves admiration or if we would not find the most diverse answers.
- Each of us has a scale of values.
- A vision of life conditioned by genetic burden.
- Education received and lived experiences that make us have very different answers to the same question.
But wealth is in the debate and interest is in the diversity of opinions, following two brutal responses. We will discuss two opinions: one of the psychologist and specialist in couples, Ana Villarubia, for whom love always involves a good dose of admiration and the other, by the best-selling writer Alena KH, author of “Is the market terrible?”And the blog? (Intersections, relationships, loves and dislikes) for whom love does not always involve admiration.
For Ana Villarrubia, love carries a good dose of mutual admiration, combined with another important factor in couple relationships: intimacy, it turns out that admiration is the beginning of what can be a true love story, because admiration happens to recognize in the other qualities that make you unique and different from other people. Something different is what catches your eye and what makes your partner irreplaceable to you.
But for Ana Villarrubia admiration must be reciprocal and, moreover, it must not imply dependence or submission at any time, on the other hand, to have a couple that we admire fills us with pride because it means that we had good judgment when choosing.
So, according to this psychologist, when you lose your admiration, you lose your love, although it is not possible to affirm or deny it with total certainty, the truth is that by losing admiration, the couple can enter a crisis, and even end. . If you’ve stopped admiring, it’s because your partner is no longer what they were and represented you.
However, for the writer Alena KH, admiration is one more ingredient of love, not something absolutely necessary. For Alena KH, admiration can even reflect a lack of self-esteem; There would be low self-esteem that encourages the person to idealize the other, leaning on him as if he were a cane. When the first phase of love passes, the ideal disappears like smoke because it was not based on reality.
For Alena, time is the only thing that guarantees that there is or does not exist love between a couple, and this is fundamentally based on mutual respect and tolerance, based on a scale of values shared by the two members of the couple.
The two points of view are certainly complementary and interesting
Without a doubt, love is a mystery, an enigma that goes beyond all these explanations that can be given from the chemistry that triggers it and from a series of conscious and unconscious factors that intervene in it, but admiration as something that is extends in time and not only in the initial phase of love can be an important point to maintain love throughout life.
If it is true that admiration is the main ingredient of love, as the psychologist Ana Villarrubia suggests, the next question we could ask ourselves is: what can I do to keep my partner admiring me?
Here are some ideas we hope will be helpful
? Just like you. If you have a good dose of self-esteem, you will continue to evolve on your own, to continue taking care of your home and your exterior, and your partner will continue to admire you as the first day.
? Helping each other. If we help each other, if we feel loved and supported, love will continue to grow and become stronger, and your partner will continue to admire you even more than at first.
? Listening to each other. If you keep quiet about everything you don’t like about your partner and don’t tell them, a bad image of the person you fell in love with once will be created. Don’t sleep without resolving your differences with your partner. Don’t let him stop admiring you and don’t let him stop admiring him.
? Try skipping the routine. Complicated, but surprise your partner with an unexpected kiss or go out to dinner as before are some of the formulas to get out of the routine and maintain admiration.
One thing is for sure, love is selfless and sincere, and it’s worth working to keep that flame that once united you on, love is the most beautiful profession, if the two people decide to build a team and work together to keep it.