In emotional relationships, there is rarely a perfect balance between giving and receiving. It is common to see traditional donors and recipients immersed in a power game in which a person wins. The recipient maintains the energy, vitality and emotional investment of a donor convinced that in love there are no limits, that in this story of loving everything is worth it.
Although the term seems strange to us, when it comes to relationships and affections, it is common to witness true emotional suicides, it is curious to see how there are people who drive carefully on the road, who take care of both their food as possible or who care about playing sport and living an active life, but when it comes to love, they do not hesitate to throw themselves into the void and without parachute.
- As for relationships.
- Not everything is valid.
- It is good to remember that.
- Making the other person our reason for being and being for that person everything they may need.
- Want or ask for has serious consequences.
- Donors and beneficiaries are en masse in any emotional connection.
- Unable to find an adequate balance between giving and receiving and also falling to the most harmful ends of health.
- Where true happiness rarely germinates.
Friedrich Nietzsche has already pointed out that offering a gift does not confer any right or obligation on the recipient. We can agree with this statement, however, whether we like it or not, there are always small “nuances”. Gifts are exchanges that involve some reciprocity, joining donors and beneficiaries in many ways.
For example, I can give a material gift to a friend, I do not expect (and do not want) to be returned to me, I only offer this gift because I want to pay homage to the affection, support and positivity that this person transmits to me in my life, that is, there is already reciprocity between us, there is already a bond that unies us, a bond that represents that dynamic and proactive balance in which we both win.
Like it or not, we need this cycle of constant feedback in which to give and receive becomes the same thing, in which we are all donors and recipients, for a very simple reason: human beings are cooperative by nature. cooperation has allowed us to progress as a species by knowing how to be loved, cared for, valued and even protected, while these behaviors give our brain a clear sense of belonging and well-being.
Is it called a very interesting job?The autonomous motivation of prosocial behavior and its influence on the welfare of aid and the recipient?(Free Translation), published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology 2010, which highlights very curious data.
When a person realizes that in his emotional relationship he is just being the donor, he becomes aware of this emotional suicide that was to maintain an unequal, unhealthy and selfish bond, after this discovery there is no turning back, it is necessary to make decisions and become a giver of himself, in those who will heal his lost dignity
Ana and Paulo have been together for eight months. Ana is the “donor” who does everything for your partner. You know the incredible details about him. She likes to always be ahead of the curve and predict what she might need, which she might like at any time. Paulo, in turn, “gets carried away. ” Seeing his happy companion practice this kind of behavior, he began to show a more or less passive and even dependent attitude.
Here is a small example of what can happen very often in our relationships and how little by little we are shaping donors and beneficiaries, sometimes we stimulate a number of dynamics that then crystallize in dysfunctional situations, so it’s not about finding the culprit, but understanding certain things:
Finally, an interesting aspect on which we can reflect on donors in relationships is that we should not obsess about the classic 50/50 either, that is, to seek that perfect and millimeter balance of investments and profits in a relationship. in very different ways and at different times.
The important thing is to know that there is reciprocity. Knowing that this person is by our side and that what is offered from the heart is well received and surrendered when we need him most.