Emotional blackmail can occur in friendship, family, or a relationship. The goal of a blackmailer is to be able to manipulate the other person and turn them into someone who satisfies their desires. Sometimes it can be done with such subtlety that the other person doesn’t even realize it’s being manipulated.
While this sounds like a lie, a person who resorts to emotional blackmail is an insecure and weak person, you have to use blackmail to achieve your goals, because you don’t find yourself able to do things healthily, even if you seem to be a very confident person.
Here are 4 ways to blackmail and how to avoid this type of manipulation.
This type of manipulation involves putting pressure on another person, so freedom is limited, if you do not do what you are asked for, there is a punishment or a great disorder later on, the feeling of the victim about this manipulation is fear.
The typical phrase parents say to their young children, “If you start over, will you be anchored?”, or someone who says to your partner, “If you start over, it’s over!”, These are radical phrases in which, if the command is not accepted, there will be a later consequence.
How can we defend ourselves against this kind of emotional blackmail?Making the master singer look that he is not able to scare us, a threat or pressure always seeks to generate fear and, thus, the victim ends up obeying, however, if there is one. without fear or if we make the person feel that we are not afraid, we dismantle the manipulation.
The answer to such a threat: if you do it again, is it over?I’m free to do whatever I want, and if that makes you want to leave me, there’s nothing I can do!The important thing is to make the person understand that instead of accepting the threat or punishment, we are able to deal with it, and that is not why we will change our actions.
It involves creating a sense of guilt in the victim, making him believe that he is a bad person if he does not obey. Prayers like? If you do that, is it because you don’t love me anymore?Hold on longer?” You let me down, I thought you were a good person. “
What is sought with one of these phrases is that the other person feels bad and guilty. In this way, the victim could be manipulated and would agree to satisfy the other so as not to be “bad on the tape”.
How to stop this kind of emotional blackmail? To make the blackmailer understand that we do not feel bad people or that we do not believe ourselves guilty of the consequences that the execution of such orders could have.
There are extreme cases, like the person who says, “If you leave me, I don’t want to live anymore. “This would be the most delicate example, because not feeling guilty in a case like this is complicated, because one would feel responsible for the health of the other. However, the reality is that everyone has their own life and we must live in freedom; we can’t be tied up by someone out of pity or guilt, because after all, the victim would be the manipulated person and suffering from emotional blackmail.
The master singer will try to distort situations until he can find himself in a role where he is right; will try to become a kind of guide, in order to manage it you will be fully aware of the weaknesses of the victim and make you believe that you need your advice to go in the right direction.
He will try to create a kind of addiction in which the master singer will be the one who has the truth, will have arguments that can come out of any situation, to make the victim understand that salvation is to ignore.
How to stop such distortions? Inform the manager that each person sees things differently and that we want, whether we are wrong or not, to make the decision that we think is best.
So, even if the blackmailer tries to make the victim make a mistake, we can tell him that we don’t care if we can make mistakes and we want to make our own decisions.
Another more hidden type of blackmail that does not even sound like blackmail is the promise of something very positive if we make the wishes of the other come true. We are rewarded or presented with something we really want, if we do what the blackmailer asks.
Parents often do this with their children: “If you spend the year, do I give you a bike?” “If you’re going to visit your grandmother, do I buy you candy?”If a child really wants something, it’s normal for them to do everything they can to get what they want.
This case is positive because the order given by the parents is positive for the child, but there are other cases in which the order tries to deceive the victim, such as the case of a passionate person who wants to convince a girl in financial difficulties. offers rewards that he believes would convince the victim to date him.
He might be able to defeat him by solving his problems, but in the end, realizing that his problems were solved, the victim would realize that they were buying and manipulating him, because in moments of desperation, the ratio drops to 50%.
Another similar way to blackmail is to remind someone of the gifts delivered and the amounts they owe, such as, “Do you remember the gifts I gave you?, “I’ve given you a lot of material things and that’s why you must obey me. “
How can we not give in to this type of manipulation?Remind the master singer that everyone is free to pay or give what they want and that’s not why we’re obliged to return the favor.
Always, in any kind of relationship, whether it’s friendship or romantic relationship, you have to live up to each other. It is an exchange, it must be reciprocal; when someone wants to take another place, the alarm goes off. Even if someone has problems, a healthy person helps normally, but if someone takes the opportunity to put themselves in the position of “hero” and leave the other as a “victim to save”, one may end up entering a handling area.
? Talking to them is stressful because they continually change the topic of the conversation, change strategy and try to confuse the victim until he finds the weak spot, where he feels he can manipulate.
? When faced with a manipulator, sensations speak more than reason. We must always observe our emotions; If we are facing a healthy person, emotions will also be healthy, but if we are in front of a master singer, it is very common that we feel uncomfortable, uncomfortable, frustrated and undecided. On the one hand, our minds can perceive that something is wrong, but on the other hand, the fears and blackmail we receive can invalidate reason and reach a time when we feel unable to make decisions.
? They usually boast about their lives and property because they seek to be considered “heroes or saviors. “As a result, people with low self-esteem are more likely to fall into the clutches of manipulators because they can over-admire them.
? They want to be the ones who dominate conversations and those who are always right; they’re not very flexible and they can’t listen, they talk a lot more than they hear.
? They don’t like to get advice because they see it as an insult to their intelligence.
? They easily change their moods because, if they manage, they are happy, but if the victim resists their traits they can change in seconds.
? They want to nullify each other’s opinion, making only theirs valid and true.
Image Credits: Toni Blay and Gioiadeantoniis