One of our basic needs is to connect with other people; in that sense, we are all emotionally dependent. Addiction becomes unhealthy when we try to make sure that others meet these emotional needs that only we can meet.
If you want to know if your emotional needs are healthy or if you’re demanding them from others, be sure to read this article.
- Have you ever seen anyone more vulnerable than a newborn baby?This fragile little creature depends entirely on others for their physical needs such as food.
- Shelter.
- Protection.
- As well as their emotional needs of affection.
- Safety.
- Trust.
- Appreciation and empathy.
The first few years of life are decisive in this regard, so it is essential that these needs are adequately met during childhood. Because if we do not model and internalize through our parents or guardians the feeling that we are valid, worthy of love and respect, unfortunately we will not be able to do it as adults, or it will be too expensive.
That is, if the necessary care and affection are not received, this experience of unprotection could then put us in the position of “emotional beggars”, demanding from others what we do not know how to give us.
Here are some phrases that indicate emotional dependence, review them as objectively as possible, and see if you recognize each other:
“Do I need others to feel precious and worthy of love?”Do I need others to make me feel important?” Do I need the approval of others?”Do I need others to make me happy?” Do I need to be accompanied so I don’t feel empty?Do I need to be accompanied so I don’t get bored? Do I need others to feel special?
All these needs must be met for themselves in the first place. When we don’t give ourselves the love, attention, and approval we need, we depend on and ask others for these things.
The first thing is to be aware that the real source for us to feel precious, kind and safe is our heart, or in other words, the connection to our own essence. Based on this hypothesis, the next step is to understand our personal growth. , either through psychotherapy and/or learning and researching as much as we can about how to evolve as human beings.
Keep in mind that a real and definitive change always happens from the inside out and not the other way around.
“I need someone to share the love I have in me. ” In this case, it is not a case of emptiness, but of having so much love in it, which naturally radiates towards others.
“I need to connect deeply emotionally and spiritually with others. ” This type of connection, which occurs between hearts, is born of a space of serenity and harmony. On the other hand, the dependency relationship is full of insecurity, manipulation and anxiety. .
“I need others to help me in my growth and personal learning. Not that we can’t grow individually, but relationships certainly greatly stimulate our growth and learning on a deeper level, especially if the other person is also willing to grow and learn.
“I need physical contact, but not exclusively through sex. “
“I need to have fun, play and get distracted with other people. To do this, we must devote ourselves to free time, outside of routine and obligations.
“I have to be sure that the other will never hurt me deliberately, physically or emotionally. It is essential to have the confidence that the other person is looking for what is best for us in the background and that it is honest, in order to have a relationship based on trust.
As we’ve seen, we’re all actually more or less emotionally dependent. The difference between pathological dependence and the healthy need of the other is that the former depletes and erodes the relationship, while the second nurtures and strengthens the relationship.
Image courtesy of Yuliya Libkina