Emotional intelligence won’t make you happier, it won’t guarantee that adversity won’t knock on your door or that difficulties stop worrying you, although sometimes they try to convince us that with this skill we will achieve professional and personal success by building the kind of life we want, all these slogans have important nuances.
Daniel Goleman made this clear in the 1990s with his famous book Emotional Intelligence: This field has a purpose and is just to bring intelligence to emotions. That is the real key; train us as more trained people in this dimension to better develop coexistence with others and learn to regulate our behavior knowing what we need and how to meet those needs.
- This is the goal and.
- In turn.
- The real magic.
- Because in reality what we should aspire to in our daily lives is not absolute happiness.
- This state of joy and permanent satisfaction.
- Our reality is already complex.
- Uncertain and changing enough that this absolute climax is truly sustainable.
What we must want is to be good to ourselves, to feel that even when difficulties arise, we have the psychological resources to deal with them, it is also to understand that human relationships are complicated and sometimes bring suffering, but with emotional intelligence, we will treat these situations much better so as not to stall and facilitate better coexistence.
We’ll learn more about that
Lack of emotional intelligence is common. We can see it in those adults who do not know how to have a conversation listening, respecting and expressing clearly their needs and ideas and without losing patience, we also see it in our work, in these bosses who do not care. the emotional state of their employees and impose aggressive leadership.
In addition, there is also a lack of parents who do not know how to educate their children in this skill. Do you invalidate your children’s emotions with the classic?Don’t cry, don’t you be like that because it’s stupid? Or “you’re too fat to have these tantrums, so stay there until you get over it. “
Educating with emotional intelligence is to recognize that behind each behavior there is an emotion, so the goal of each parent will be to develop this emotional maturity and self-awareness from an early age, however, we have seen these gaps for decades, and while there has already been a change in education and schools, we still have a long way to go.
It is therefore necessary to clarify some ideas
Emotional intelligence won’t make you happier, it won’t make you the best in the room or the absolute job leader of your dreams. We’re not talking about a gift that allows you to catapult yourself directly to success. with a quality that allows us to lay the foundation for creating a more satisfying and qualified reality.
Understanding, using, regulating and managing our emotions, for example, helps better manage stress.
Regulating our feelings, understanding their message, and making empathy an anchor to understand others harmonizes our relationships and allows us to feel safer when interacting with others.
All these qualities are qualities of life, tools of well-being and resources to face adversity. After all, happiness comes and goes. What we really need are mechanisms to quickly overcome difficult days and resources to enjoy quiet days.
All this will allow us to feel realized and satisfied with ourselves in any circumstance, whether easy or complicated.
Emotional intelligence won’t make you happier, but it will provide you with the psychological nutrients needed to achieve happiness, as evidenced by, for example, an interesting study conducted in 2007 at Oxford University by Dr. Alex Furnham. intelligence is the basis for feeling more satisfied with ourselves.
However, there is one fundamental element: happiness is a multidimensional field, this includes aspects such as our emotional and social relationships, having achieved certain goals, living according to our values, having day by day without fears or anxieties and feeling realized, among others. .
Emotional intelligence is not the answer to everything, but it stimulates and helps achieve many of these aspects. Besides, will this quality not alone prevent losses, disappointments, failures?Unhappiness is also part of life and we must accept it knowing that it is non-permanent.
Emotional intelligence will help us manage these states so that we can move on to the acceptance stages; to those cycles where, although happiness is not absolute, everything hurts less and we allow ourselves to have new opportunities, that is the secret.