Emotional ignorance is an important barrier to relationships. The inability to connect with feelings, own and others, is a major obstacle to building strong, healthy and lasting bonds. And, above all, connect with yourself. In fact, this difficulty is the great challenge of emotionally inaccessible people, those who build walls around their hearts to avoid feeling vulnerable and sometimes flee when emotions take hold of them.
These are profiles characterized by a clear emotional immaturity, where even love can become a great threat, this does not mean that they do not have relationships, but generally they tend to abandon them or simply shut up when emotions arise, it is as if they were wandering . with a shell on their back for shelter when they need it, especially when the situation requires minimal emotional contact.
- Emotionally inaccessible people are experts in creating distances; they build walls and build walls to avoid intimate contact with others.
- Mostly unconsciously.
- That’s why it’s so hard to get out of this kind of emotional ostracism.
Emotionally inaccessible people are like everyone else, apparently, they have their tastes, their passions, their trades, their personal history, their flaws and, of course, their virtues; however, they do not have the ability to identify and manage emotions. He probably never wondered how others do it or stopped to hear his discomfort.
They are people with an aura of emotional coldness who, in the face of the slightest symptom of suffering, need an escape, are fugitives from discomfort with a deceitful Doctorate, and the same is true if the emotion that invades them is very positive. I may be able to appreciate it more, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t cause them great fear, especially if it’s related to others.
When they put a great emotional distance into their relationships, they often seem to be cold people and un interested in what’s going on around them, in fact, they find it difficult to establish emotional bonds to avoid feeling vulnerable. emotional coldness is their defense mechanism, the way they have learned to protect themselves from the wounds of the past.
Living with such people can be very frustrating and complicated, especially if it is a relationship, because the need to connect emotionally is almost impossible to satisfy, even when they fail to identify the emotional state of the other person, in the face of the pain, tears or recriminations of the person can seem disturbed, overwhelmed and with a strong need to escape.
As we said, emotional inaccessibility tends to be unconscious, however, these types of people expend a lot of psychological energy to avoid confronting their emotions, so it’s only when they start to realize what’s happening to them The problem is that by having their defense mechanisms so automated, they can fight to the end so they don’t realize what they consider their vulnerability.
Is it possible, then, to minimize this strong emotional blockade? The answer is yes, but adding that it is not easy, it all depends on the person’s acceptance of the difficulty and the degree of change desired.
So the first step is to realize what is going on, so that as you become aware and let yourself feel everything that the emotional world entails, you can move on, in this way, pain and fear, both own and alien, begin to appear. be visible: little by little, honestly and with a lot of effort.
“One of the pitfalls of childhood is that you don’t have to understand something to feel it. By the time reason is able to understand what happened, are the wounds in the heart already very deep?. – Carlos Ruiz Zafon-
Once the first emotional contacts are established and after learning to identify emotions, the next step will be to train the ability to choose how to react to different situations, thus abandoning the automations, being one of the most powerful tools for emotionally inaccessible people.
On the other hand, it is also important to mention that people around those who are emotionally inaccessible should also take care of themselves and train themselves to understand if they want to stay with them, they need to work on themselves to see how to act on it. and, above all, understand the motives that drive them to continue, according to the Doctor of Psychology Gabriella Kortsch.
Moreover, another fundamental aspect is to understand that, in such situations, it is not a question of blaming the couple, even for Gabriella Korstsh, the person who connects with an emotionally inaccessible person has unresolved conflicts that need to be resolved, and that particular couple causes those problems. The two relate to each other in the best way they have learned so far.
We cannot forget that sometimes the solution is also at the end of the relationship; we cannot force the other to change and demand that it be what it is not, because if one person is not prepared to open himself emotionally to another, and that other person needs it, there is no other way than to finish it so as not to prolong it. an increasingly unsustainable relationship.
“Tell me to find you. ” -Socrates-