I’d like to tell you everything I’ve never told you because I assumed I’d always have time to tell you how proud I am of you, I thought saying so many times how important you were to me would cause words to lose their value. but now I can only think that even if you forget everything, even your name, I’ll never forget what you did for me, Mom.
I can’t help but think that we’re wrong about words and moments because we don’t take the time to say how we feel when we can, time is capricious, and now that Alzheimer’s disease takes away your memories, it makes you forget who. you are, I realize the value we give to everything we’ve lost, but we don’t enjoy when we have it.
- And while I can confess that taking care of you was harder than I thought.
- I don’t regret a second I dedicated to you.
- Just like you dedicated to me when I was young.
- Efforts.
- So I promised to take care of you until your last breath.
At first, the way you changed was hard to believe, I’ve seen you try to tie the knots of your ideas, with your memories getting more blurry and with an even more painful future, Alzheimer’s disease is bigger than you and we have to. get used to living in his shadow.
It is often said that it is the patient who does not recognize the members of his family, but in this case I have had a hard time recognizing him, day by day his gaze was increasingly absent, as if reflecting the void that was created. in his head, to be filled by oblivion.
It is very difficult to see you gradually fade, how you stop talking to me, to advise me and even to scold me, I would give anything to have another talk with you, another hug, a look, for a little bit of this little universe that we share and we will never come back.
I remember how hard you turned to overcome difficulties, but without stepping on anyone along the way, how you fought against the wind and the tide to get rid of danger, without missing anything even though we never live in abundance, and how you taught. For me, valuing family is always the most important thing in life because no matter what happens, it will always be you and me.
Then you were strong, brave, combative and brilliant. You were love and life. And now you are forgetfulness, weakness and emptiness. But you’re my mother and you’re nothing at the same time. Even if all this suffering happens, for me it will always be you and every burst of light that comes out of the darkness that Alzheimer’s has subjected you, reminds me that no matter what happens, every second by your side is worth it.
I’m not ready for your light to stop shining and fire me forever. I’m not ready for what you forget who we are, what we were, or future projects we’ll never do. I’m not ready to let go of the lifestyle because I won’t have anyone to help me get up if I fall again.
Goodbyes are said to be difficult, but no one says how difficult it is to say goodbye to the person you love most in life because he is no longer himself, because oblivion has occupied his being, his essence, even if he follows his presence. , but it’s not her.
But if there’s one thing I can do for you, even if I’m gone, it’s to hold your hand firmly so I don’t feel alone, accompany you in your last days and feel the love you deserve, even if you forget me, I will always keep it in my heart.