Modesty is an attitude that helps us relate to society, ensuring that our successes do not diminish the efforts of others. However, excessive modesty can do the exact opposite and prevent us from communicating properly with those around us. These behaviors create a sense of lying in others, in addition to the perception that we are lying.
We do not know how to behave with someone who is too modest, often one wonders if that modesty is real and can even lead to rejection, exaggerated modesty, in addition to causing discomfort to others, can also sabotage the future of those who behave in this way. Let’s see below.
- Modesty is the attitude that tends to moderate or decrease the size of external actions.
- It implies being contained within certain limits.
- According to social or personal convenience.
- It is also a quality linked to humility.
- Lack of vanity or greed.
The concept of modesty varies from culture to culture, which can relate to various areas of human life, such as morality, religion, fashion, etc.
In all cases, modest people tend to reject the importance of certain positive traits in their personality, or their successes and accomplishments, to be respectful of others, avoiding hurting their feelings. Modesty is also a method of controlling the expectations of those around us.
This can help us understand what others expect of us, what they consider normal, but what if we start to give others the priority role that we should put in our lives?
There are theories about the origin of exaggerated modesty, it has already been described as a method of defending those who want others not to have very high expectations of them, the high demands of the family and other loved ones generate tensions in childhood that can become extreme modesty, so that the person is armed so that others expect less from him.
As we have already said, modesty is a mechanism that allows us to understand what others expect of us, however, when it happens extremely, it greatly affects the idea that others have of us, it can even convey insecurity, low acceptance. low self-esteem.
In a job interview, for example, it is as damaging to exaggerate our successes as to underestimate them. If we say phrases like “I know I’m not qualified for this job, but ??o”I don’t think I can do this perfectly, but, ” we’ll open the exit door automatically.
In the end, modesty seeks a certain empathy on the part of the interlocutor, seeks to generate tenderness, complicity and acceptance. With extreme modesty, we get a rejection effect, as if we were desperately asking for each other’s acceptance.
One of the main ingredients of exaggerated modesty is insecurity, overly modest people have very low self-esteem and constantly seek the approval of others, although they are truly intelligent, extremely modest people seek failures in their work, criticize everything they produce. and give little importance to their achievements, which prevents them from even moving forward.
This is the main problem of modest excesses: self-buttoning, this type of behavior generates so much insecurity that people who do so are unable to take risks and therefore cannot improve in any way. about life at work, but also about personal relationships.
Like any other personality trait, exaggerated modesty is difficult to change, in the end very modest people are not always fully aware of their problem, even if they are, they do not dare to take the necessary step to change and stop. thinking about what others will find.
Although it is not easy, it is possible to change, for this we must forget that the opinions of others exist, at least in much of our daily lives, by not giving importance to the opinions of others we will value our people.
It is essential to be comfortable with our own decisions, even if they are not always fair, and if we do not agree with anyone, at least it can foster dialogue, without accepting what others think simply because we want to avoid conflict.
In the end, the most important thing to leave behind exaggerated modesty is to learn to love oneself, learn to respect oneself, and accept oneself. These are the first steps for others to accept us as we are.