“I’m on your side, I support you and I understand you. ” Few things are as positive as the emotional support of the people we love. However, at the end of the day, we must be solely responsible for solving our day-to-day life. problems and challenges.
Extrinsic emotional regulation refers to a well-known process, these are situations in which the support and presence of a person provide a sense of inner peace, calm and well-being, believe it or not, these psychological gifts that others have can be almost addictive reinforcements.
- We’ll try to understand it better with an example.
- You probably have a friend who always comes to you when you have a problem or when you have a bad day.
- You leave what you’re doing and pay attention to it.
- You listen to what’s going on and you feel comfortable and understanding.
- It is quite possible that this person will do it on a regular basis.
In this case, is he a person? Addicted to emotional support. This type of person cannot or does not know how to manage their emotional states more than through another person who serves as a refuge. There comes a time when he says things like, “I don’t know what I want. “I would dispense with you. ” Even if you never hesitate to help him, we know there’s something that’s not entirely right in these situations.
People need to learn to control their emotions by themselves, after all, it is our responsibility to solve what hurts, find the origin of our problems and learn emotional regulation and adaptation strategies. Relying solely on extrinsic emotional regulation is not the key. reply.
Let’s go a little further on this
Extrinsic emotional regulation is a relatively new area of study, so far psychology has become interested in knowing the mechanisms by which people self-regulate their emotional states, however, we may have forgotten that we are social beings and that there is nothing wrong with it. seeking the support of others.
This model basically is part of Jim Coan’s theory of social reference. Under this approach, the brain is stressed with isolation and closeness to our peers provides us with well-being.
Sharing emotions with someone else decreases the sense of threat we usually feel when faced with difficulties and also makes us feel validated. It is certainly necessary for our livelihood.
The structure of extrinsic emotional regulation has nuances that you should know.
Extrinsic emotional regulation is a process in which one person influences the emotional state of another, this is done consciously, voluntarily and seeks to regulate the other person’s mood.
Going back to the example in the beginning, you’ll see that you’re responsible for regulating how your friend feels that he’s going through a difficult time.
So far we have talked about extrinsic emotional regulation as the ideal mechanism to provide support, however, it is important to consider a small aspect, this regulation can be positive or negative. In other words, people can intentionally influence others in a negative way, causing discomfort.
For example, imagine telling a person how you feel and respond with phrases like, “If you feel bad, do I feel worse?”Yes? You don’t seem to know how to handle your life?This type of verbalization can certainly modulate a person’s mood in a negative way.
However, the most complex aspect of negative extrinsic emotional regulation is that it is not always as obvious as you might think. Some people may gradually weaken their mood in such a disguised way that they don’t even realize it.
Finish a relationship, lose work, lose a family member and fail in a project?We are all going through difficult times when we certainly need external emotional support, however, to feel real benefits, overcome pain, adversity and life. difficulties, large or small, it is important to learn to work in internal emotional regulation.
If you don’t learn to control your emotions on your own and always expect others to regulate them for you, you’ll be captivated by addiction. Waiting for others to reduce their discomfort is selfish. You can benefit from it, but in the end it will be like putting a hot cloth on a wound: it relieves pain, but the trauma is still there.
It is your responsibility to manage and manage daily emotions, good and bad, external support is fundamental for the human being and it is normal to go to it from time to time, however, you should not get used to it. Emotional maturity means being independent in solving and overcoming one’s pain.