Family myths are fictional beliefs and hopes shared by an entire family. These beliefs relate to one’s own family and the bonds that bind it together. They are supposed to be “truths” and determine the individual and collective behavior of this human group; they also determine each other’s roles.
The most common thing is that family myths are preconscious; that is, they move on the border between the conscious and the unconscious. This means that the family admits to having certain beliefs, but does not know how far they go, nor why those ideas are considered valid.
- While family myths are defined as a fictional belief.
- The truth is that painful or intolerable truths for the family are almost always hidden behind them; in general.
- The evidence of these myths lies in the secret or implicit rules that each family group implements in itself.
“The family is like a cage, does anyone see birds desperate to enter while the insiders are just as desperate to get out?-Michel de Montaigne-
One of the characteristics of family myths is that they are mainly based on the distribution of roles in the family. Do these beliefs define who is the “black sheep”? or who is the “role model”, etc. Most commonly, there is strong resistance to changes in these roles; even, in some cases, it becomes a taboo subject.
Other features of these myths include
These myths are essentially of three types: harmony, apology/repair and salvation. We’ll see more details about each of them below.
The myths of harmony correspond to families who build a fanciful image of themselves, develop a series of behaviors to convince themselves that balance, unity and fraternity prevail among all its members, it is as if within this family group there are no problems.
In general, this type of family builds this image in relation to others, there is guilt to hide and the idea of perfect harmony serves as a means to avoid being investigated or judged by others, usually there are cases of depression in these family groups. , as well as strong unresolved hostilities.
The myths of excuses and repairs are a little more complex because they involve deeper elaboration, in this case what happens is that one or more people are responsible for family misfortunes or problems, these people may be alive or dead. Sometimes someone outside the family is blamed, but he is obliged to do so.
The most obvious example is the “scapegoat”; the person in that role is responsible for what doesn’t work well or the problems that exist. This frees other family members from their responsibilities. What works in this case is basically a projection mechanism; in this case, collective.
When family myths of salvation are present, family members construct the figure of the “mythical savior”. He is a character who is expected to intervene redemptively, whether he is faced with a specific problem or difficulties in general. it has the power to provide what is needed or to unlock what does not work.
The mythical figure of the savior may be embodied in one of the family members, but it can also be someone from outside, it is very common for family groups to assign this role to the psychologist when they are in therapy.
The more pathological family relationships are, the more these myths tend to appear and consolidate, which are not good ways to address, without addressing, the problems that need to be addressed at the root and corrected.