Being independent, for many people, is a really difficult challenge, a challenge that requires a lot of effort and perseverance, being a psychologically independent person is a life attitude full of courage, love and confidence in a potential that each individual possesses.
However, despite all the advantages we have to have this attitude in life, for some people it is not so easy, it is not easy because no one has taught us how to do it, some people did not learn this attitude when they were younger and now life inevitably pushes them to do so.
- When we encourage a child to perform tasks on his own.
- We send him a clear message.
- We convey that he has the ability to grow up in the world and that we believe in those abilities.
- So he will stop looking at others and start exploring the resources he has: “If others think the secret is there?” Then do I have to look ?.
However, we need to clarify the concepts. When we talk about independence we are not talking about promoting recklessness, we are talking about reasonable and necessary challenges for good personal development, a child can learn to be psychologically independent because his parents are convinced that he can try to solve some problems on his own.
We can set an example to better understand it. A child learns to divide by double digits, was already teaching in high school and now it’s time to do homework to practice this kind of division, at that point one of your parents may show up and warn you of this difficulty.
Seeing your child face this difficulty can lead parents to be tempted to do so for him or her; in fact, there are children who are extraordinarily trained to get adults to do homework for them, because they know how to earn them. this temptation is not the best. As parents, we can help calm the anxiety generated by the challenge or even begin to divide so that the child can concentrate, but we must not do chores for them.
On the other hand, we must give the child the opportunity to act, if we act fast and let him face the gap, we will send him a message that we do not trust her abilities, we say that the challenge is very difficult for her. and that, therefore, will go before trying.
In the example above, the parent can also do the opposite, you can be with your child and let him solve this problem himself, the child will make mistakes and try to make mistakes in the best possible way, we can help you in this process of trial and error. Teach “see” but don’t answer for them.
We have to give them the opportunity to make mistakes, because they will understand how a double-digit division is done correctly, and we will give them a space to become familiar with the process, cover the therself with doubts and leave them alone. In this way, they will mark the path with their fingerprints and it will never be possible to stop them again.
The child will understand what the defects are and will be able to fix them. This learning will make you feel competent and capable. This new idea of himself will face the “small problems” of his short life with more confidence and confidence in his ability.
Like this way of helping, we won’t leave our child alone in the face of adversity, we’ll help you develop your intellectual skills. Are we going to help you to search, generate solutions, test, test ?, all this will generate new connections in the child’s brain, so the role of the family in achieving this goal is vital.
Overprotection involves a kind of immediate assistance, in which the adult intervenes quickly in the face of the slightest difficulty of each child. The child will learn that there will always be someone who can solve any problem that arises. This way he’ll stop trying to do things for him. yourself because, of course, you’ll already have someone do it for you. You just need to sit back, smile and wait.
One way or another, fast assistance is transmitted as a message of love, affection for the child:?I’m doing it for you, why do I love you? It gives the child the idea that he or she is not able to do things on his own. .
With that they will stop trying, stop trying, stop trying and lose growth opportunities, more and more will entrust their lives to their parents, but all this is not free and will have a number of consequences:
So is it important to help children discover for themselves, to be wrong, to be tested, to get frustrated?, in this way, will they learn that they have the resources and skills to try to solve, if not all, many of the problems that arise. in their lives.
We conclude this reflection with a Chinese proverb that I’m sure you’ve heard many times: “Give me a fish and I’ll have dinner tonight, show me to fish and have dinner forever. “So from now on we encourage all parents to teach us how to fish, not give us fish as soon as we ask for it, let us taste it and try it ourselves. It will surely be a very useful and necessary legacy for our future!