When a relationship brings more suffering than well-being and love no longer exists, the logical thing to do is to end and turn the page, now it’s easier said than done. It is not always easy to finish, there are people who feel a real fear just by thinking about this situation, suffer the so-called FOBU, which is the fear of ending a relationship.
The acronym comes from Fear Of Breakink-Up, which is precisely the fear of ending the relationship, is a pattern of behavior that is repeated in people of all ages and social conditions, although it is true that Generation Y is more vulnerable to this. Phenomenon.
- Tinder.
- Whatsapp and Instagram are the new platforms that people of these generations often use to create links.
- With Internet facilities.
- There are many cases of couples who have never met in person.
The lack or poverty of physical communication is a double-edged sword: on the one hand it softens the blow that is the end, on the other hand it makes the young man more vulnerable, which eventually takes the young man longer than it took him. their parents or grandparents to deal with some of the vital traumas needed for good mental and emotional development, so these ages are more vulnerable to FOBU.
The fear of ending a relationship is mainly due to low self-esteem. It is the fear of being alone forever and having to start over. When a relationship is toxic and you feel trapped, any attempt at independence is a new world, scary even. if one suffers in the present. If we have been stuck in the situation for a long time, breaking it all will lead to drastic changes.
The routine to which we are used to keeps us in a comfort zone that can be good, but also bad, having a close relationship with the family and friends of the couple and thinking about losing everything can also be another reason to be afraid of what will be then the end What will they think of me?What face are you going to look at on the street? These fears and others like thinking that you’re never going to have contact with those we already love so much are very present.
When a relationship ends, the first step generally feels worthy and guilty of all the pain caused by a breakup. We hate to cause bad feelings to others, we feel bad and we even punish ourselves for a while. However, we know we will, suffer too, and that scares us even more. Our life becomes a spiral of doubt and agony, because we don’t know how to deal with the problem.
Another of the great fears that FOBU causes is that of not knowing how to be alone, the need for approval and the presence of the other in our lives makes the idea of ending a relationship unattainable, we prefer to be unhappy and live a mediocre life than to face what we face. I know: we don’t want to be with that person.
The only way to overcome foBU is to deal with the situation, to be brave is very difficult, but sometimes it is the only way to achieve our own happiness, there is no point in staying in a place where there is more suffering than well-being. .
If the relationship was ever a healthy and true day, but the flame of love has been extinguished, it makes sense to be honest with the other person, remember that you may no longer be in love, even if you’ve ever been. Therefore, the other deserves as much respect as possible. To deceive the other by making him believe that there is always true love among you is, besides cowardly, quite selfish.
Now, if the relationship has already reached the point of being toxic and addictive, ending it is a priority for your sanity. Everyone deserves to be respected, valued and loved by people who feel the same way. Enslaving and suffering the pain of this type of relationship only undermines self-esteem and leads more and more to a dead end.
In any case, keep in mind that there will always be doubts and resentments, your life will change and surely some things will be missed, especially the feeling of having someone by your side, even if the relationship was toxic, there will even be days. when you’re totally lonely, and then the idea of going back to your ex may arise. But it’s not the heart that will talk now, just the habit of being alone.
If the fear of ending a relationship or being alone begins to affect you abnormally, consult a specialist. You may have developed a disorder caused by an event or a succession of traumatic events. A prior termination may also be the cause or you may need to improve your self-esteem.
Respecting and valuing yourself is essential in these cases. You have to love yourself enough to know how to finish what does not satisfy you and does not do you good. What others think about it should be totally irrelevant.
Don’t waste too much time if you’ve already realized that you’re a foBU victim, this feeling will repress you more and more and prevent you from making a decision.
Now, when you finally decide to leave the relationship, keep in mind that the other may not respond well to the news, either because the other’s heart will break, or because it wants to keep you under their control at all costs. The important thing is to protect yourself, especially in the latter case.
After revealing your decision, stay away from the other for a while, even if it seems a bit sensitive, it is necessary, be mature and accept the consequences of your actions, but always keep in mind that the world does not end. it can be the door to the best that will come again in your life.