When they hurt us, our immediate reaction is not to want to forgive the one who did this to us, we are offended, disappointed and, in some cases, with deep pain, but this very common and natural reaction also has its difficulties.
It is true that in the short term, keeping a grudge can prevent the damage from continuing; That’s why we don’t usually forgive the person who caused us pain in the first place, but if we keep running a grudge against a person for a long time, it’s like we’re mentally trapped in a situation that no longer exists. It will provoke all kinds of intense feelings, which can cause us unnecessary suffering.
- Two of the most negative states that the mind can maintain.
- Which occur because it cannot forgive in time.
- Are hatred and anger.
- Seneca described hatred and anger as the most terrible and frantic of all emotions.
- The damage they do to us is much greater than the benefits they can bring us if they continue to resent us.
However, forgiving those who have hurt us is not as simple as wanting to do so, once we accept the harmful effects of maintaining hatred and want to learn to forgive people who have made us suffer in the past, the question is obvious: how can we achieve this?
If someone finds someone hurt by an arrow, they don’t take the time to ask where they come from or analyze what kind of wood it’s made of; on the contrary, it will try to remove it immediately to minimize the injury. We must do the same with suffering, eliminating it as soon as possible, without giving it more room to keep hurting us. Next, we’ll describe some of them, the most powerful reasons to start practicing forgiveness.
“If you do not forgive for love, forgive at least for selfishness, for your own well-being. -Dalai Lama-
In the Western mindset, patience and tolerance are considered to some extent important values, however, when someone hurts us, responding with patience and tolerance seems to be synonymous with weakness and passivity, this is one of the main reasons why it is so difficult. so that we can forgive others.
Since these two virtues are indispensable components of emotions, such as forgiveness or love, we should not see them as a sign of weakness, on the contrary, we could begin to understand them more as a sign of strength, which comes from a deep capacity. clinging to our values.
Responding to a painful situation with patience and tolerance is a sign of emotional strength and will help us approach forgiveness rather than a reaction of anger and hatred. In addition, facing a difficult situation with this attitude involves exercising significant control over our feelings, which means having good self-esteem and emotional intelligence.
“Forgiveness is only learned in life when, in turn, we need a lot of forgiveness. “
U theory teaches us that we cannot live the future with the burden of the past on our backs, say goodbye to what has already happened, forgive the mistakes of others and yours, opens a space for new opportunities.
As Otto Scharmer, creator of Theory U, points out, “Energy is still in the eye. That is why we should not focus our attention on what we are trying to avoid, but on what we intend to do. For example, a person who resists the disappointments of the past will inadvertently seek these same results in all their actions and relationships, because he is anchored in the cycle of what happened, not in what new might happen.
U theory says, among other things, that as long as we don’t abandon the old fears and prejudices (for which English expression uses let go), we will leave no room for something really new to happen in our lives (let it come). If we do not abandon the ballast of the past, there will be no room for life to surprise us with new experiences.
As we see, forgiving someone when they hurt us can be very difficult, that is precisely why it is essential that we understand why it is worth learning to do so, remember that it is in your hands to leave the past behind. , thus releasing a heavy emotional burden that does not allow you to move on.
“Forgiveness allows us to be happy and enjoy life, because making mistakes is human.