It is no exaggeration to say that we are somewhat illiterate in terms of emotions, it is common to be taught knowledge and values, but not emotions, we assume that morality and ethics guide us and, thus, everything is solved. sometimes we reach adulthood without knowing clearly how to handle what we feel. That’s what happens in the so-called emotional pendulum.
The problem is related to the treatment of anger, one of the most misunderstood emotions, the emotional pendulum is configured when a person decides to swallow the complaints he receives or silences the discomfort he feels in front of someone, after a while everything accumulates and explodes like a pressure cooker, so there is an oscillation between two extremes : silence and crying.
- “It costs more to respond gracefully and sweetly than to shut up with contempt.
- Is silence sometimes a bad answer.
- A very bitter answer?.
- – Gar Mar-.
The emotional pendulum is typical of those who fear their own feelings, especially anger, they also have no clear idea of how to limit the treatment they receive from others.
This is what leads them to debate between two extremes and to handle their aggressive feelings inappropriately, it is nothing serious, it is always possible to learn how to handle it differently.
The issue of self-control is not always well understood. We easily end up confusing self-control with repression, and these are two very different realities. In one case, it is the fruit of consciousness; conditioning or fear.
The first big difference between the two is that those who maintain self-control develop this attitude to any situation of high emotional intensity, that is, there is a lot of work around the goal of maintaining a state of serenity.
It is a lifestyle, the result of self-awareness, that is characterized by the little elimination of those who live it.
In repression, however, there is an effort to contain it, feelings are experienced with deep intensity, but we avoid expressing them, in this case there is a disconnect between inside and outside.
It is true that sometimes we have to use this repression to prevent a situation from become widespread, however, for those who are getting used to repressing themselves, this goes further, in fact, they would like to fully express how they feel, but for some reason they cannot.
Repressing people are the ones who most often present that emotional balance that leads them from absolute silence to high-pitched crying, usually feel they don’t know how to express what bothers them, they have the idea that there is no way to express disagreements or disagreements if they are not angry. As a result, all of this leads to conflict.
It is also common for them not to feel authorized to express disagreements or unrest; one way or another, they feel that their feelings are not valid or legitimate enough to be expressed and taken into account by others; they shut up and are repressed by something or someone has made them believe they shouldn’t say what they feel.
All this accumulated discomfort always culminates. This is the moment when the feeling abruptly breaks and ends up imposing itself on the person. What you have saved is actually a time bomb that sooner or later explodes. The consequences can be so disastrous that they become one more reason to inhibit and resume the cycle.
There’s only one way not to fall into this extreme emotional pendulum, this solution is obvious: say things as soon as you feel them, don’t wait the best time to do it, or wait for reasons. By immediately releasing what we have to say, the emotional burden is much less than if we waited and nurtured anger.
Keeping things up is setting us up. There comes a time when materially it is impossible to assert, because there are many accumulated emotions, assertiveness is the ability to say things so that the other person understands them correctly, to be clear and respectful at the same time. Above all, be consistent: say exactly what we think or feel.
When there is a lot of accumulated anger and these explosive situations occur, it is fundamentally impossible to assert oneself. Anger and resentment blind us. They do not allow us to communicate, they install the fee to return the violations received and saved.
Repression never works. On the contrary, it poisons us internally and ends up harming us as well as others.