Does frozen bereavement refer to unparalleled loss, is it pain that becomes chronic, constantly persists and manifests itself in different ways: anxiety, stress, exhaustion, apathy, constant irritation?
As impressive as it may seem, we are faced with a clinical reality that occurs very often.
- There are people who are not sure what to do with this set of unwanted sensations.
- It is difficult to deal with that suffering that paralyzes them and puts them in a very unsafe vacuum.
Others cling to day-to-day life, work, and obligations as they try to convince the other that they can move on, they say nothing has happened, that pain can be hidden, like the one who keeps a personal object in a safe.
In both cases the same anatomy of suffering appears: that of pathological bereavement, in which there is no closure or acceptance of loss, so if there is one thing to understand is that pain has no expiration date.
It can take decades and fit into everything we think and do, however, frozen bereavement is masked in various diseases and completely masks the possibility of being happy again.
“To cry is to make the pain less profound”. ? William Shakespeae?
Pain can freeze, become suspended or even get stuck like a seed in a drop of amber, this happens when we refuse to face a painful reality, when we say it is better to put it aside and resume our lives, avoiding thinking about the person we have just lost.
If there is one thing that grieving experts know very well, it is that each of us lives this psychological process very differently.
However, the widespread view on the subject is that a loss is synonymous with sadness and that, on average, it takes between a year and a year and a half to face and accept grief.
These ideas are not entirely correct. To begin with, when we lose someone, we feel more than sadness; In addition, there is anger, confusion and even anxiety.
In addition, the experience of grief is directly related to the personality of each person, to the resources at their disposal and the social and personal support at their disposal.
So, as a study by dr. Katherine Shear of Columbia University, New York, it’s very difficult to predict how each person will cope with the loss of a loved one.
In addition, it is estimated that about 5% of the population will experience a frozen or delayed duel at some point in their lives. The characteristics of this process would be:
Frozen or delayed grief seems to be a defense mechanism: the person refuses to accept the reality of what happened, is unable to face it and feels unable to face such suffering.
So does the brain choose to deny or simply deny, suffering leaving you for another time.
All this psychological effort and emotional moderation have consequences:
The person living with a frozen duel needs to know that at some point all that emotional burden will emerge. However, a sudden trigger is usually enough to mix different sensations that can overflow.
Thus, the death of a pet, seeing someone sick or even suffering a small setback, triggers an avalanche of feelings that we do not know how to handle.
In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the clinical state of frozen bereavement does not appear as such. However, it includes diagnostic criteria for “persistent complex bereavement disorder”.
Now, knowing that there is this kind of pathological bereavement, new therapies have been developed in recent years that have proven to be very effective in dealing with it.
An example of this was presented in a 2012 study by dr. Julie Wetherell of the University of San Diego, California, which is an approach that combines cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal therapy with long-term exposure techniques.
The basic goal is to facilitate the acceptance of loss, work emotions and an aspect that usually appears in many cases: the feeling of guilt.
In conclusion, tackling a loss is something no one is prepared for, bereavement is not a universal or normative process, it is dynamic, difficult, complex and even pathological in many cases.
However, being able to ask for help will allow you to face this reality in a more fitting and healthy way.