Have you heard of Gaslighting? Well, let’s take an example to find out what it is. You probably found yourself in a situation where someone guarantees you said something you don’t remember. You review your writing and conclude that you certainly didn’t say that. You’re convinced you’re right.
However, the person who claims you said it does so with such confidence that you end up giving him credit. You end up thinking he might have, even if you don’t remember. He could be another gaslighting victim.
- “If lies or bad faith are introduced into the communication process.
- There will be manipulation.
- Which can be reciprocal.
- -Albert Jacquard-.
This phenomenon began to be detected in the 1960s, and although it is present in professional and family contexts, it is more common in romantic relationships, it is defined as the act of repetitive manipulation that one person exerts on another, whose main objective is to attack the safety of the victim so that he perceives reality in a distorted way.
Gaslighting is a deliberate form of lying that seeks to confuse the victim for profit. It is a form of psychological violence, characterized by being very subtle; it is rarely violence, although there is often some intimidation, so it is difficult to detect. In addition, the manipulator is usually someone who is “trusted”, kind and with whom we have a close relationship.
A typical example of Gaslighting is when a part of a couple seeks to deny their infidelity. The victim may claim to have overheard the other person flirting over the phone. The manipulator knows this to be true, but defends himself by saying, confidently: that this is not the case. For him, his partner confuses sympathy and flirtation.
The manipulator may even add that he has noticed that his partner has been very stressed lately, an alleged stress that does not give him the right to suspect him, at this point he will have managed to sow doubts in the victim. it’s more common than we think. In extreme cases, the victim comes to believe she is going crazy.
One could make the mistake of thinking that this is a fun situation and that it would never fall into such a ridiculous form of manipulation, however, we do not know that this situation occurs in the relationships that involve our emotions, in fact, complex mechanisms of projection and introjection operate in this type of relationship.
In general, gaslighting’s victim is often a suspicious person, who finds someone seemingly trustworthy; the manipulator is not sure of himself, but is obsessed with the control of others; he looks friendly and says he seeks the well-being of others. it’s just a cover. The victim becomes idealized to this person, so the soil is fertilized to apply Gaslighting.
When this form of emotional manipulation is maintained for long periods of time, it has profoundly negative consequences for the victim. The most troubling thing, no doubt, is the submission of this victim to the reality imposed by the manager. Gaslighting even causes the aggressor to choose to appropriate his aggressor’s conflicts.
Gas lighting follows a model that is categorized into three steps: in the first, the victim opposes argumentative resistance and opposes the manipulator’s statements; Meanwhile, the accuser tries to convince you of what you need to think and feel; in fact, in some cases, the discussions last for hours and hours, in the end there is nothing concrete, but a great wear and tear.
In the second phase, he has an open mind to better understand each other’s point of view. However, when there is no reciprocity, you begin to doubt your certainties. The third stage is set as a state of confusion in which your judgment disappears and you think what the author says is the truth; normal and therefore the real.
There are personality characteristics that predispose some people to becoming potential victims of gas lighting, including lack of affection. The potential victim sees the manipulator as a savior and idealizes it; this reaction occurs because the victim interprets the manipulator’s advances as a true display of affection; the victim feels that the manipulator, at least at first, argues with her, pays attention to what she says.
A person who needs to be right is more likely to experience this type of abuse, a situation that arises when subjective aspects are discussed and, in this confrontation, the arguments of the future victim lose strength from wear and tear. Being approved by others is a decisive factor, in this case everything is served on a tray for the manipulator, who will not waste time and take advantage of this weakness.
In order not to fall into this type of toxic relationship it is essential to take into account some recommendations, the first is that you must remain attentive to any manifestation that challenges your beliefs and unbalances your self-confidence. Do not engage in Byzantine discussions, that is, in the exchange of subjective views that lead nowhere.
Finally, try to reinforce your attitudes towards life with strong arguments, until they become beliefs, and don’t let others question the way you think or feel, keep in mind that this is the ideal ground for anyone who wants to handle it.
Main image of the film “Gaslight”, George Cukor, 1944.