Georg Simmel’s theory of romantic relationships says that being in a relationship is a reality that is built through phases or stages that must necessarily be lived; under this approach, if a step is not fully overcome, sooner or later the relationship will face problems.
The theory is also known as double formation because it refers to a group of two, a double. Lovers are a couple, lovers, weddings, close friends, brothers, etc. German sociologist Georg Simmel devoted himself to the study of small group dynamics.
- He and his followers have found that if there is a relationship in a “group of two.
- ” that relationship has a different logic than groups with the highest number of people.
“True love is inexhaustible; the more you give, the more you have?. – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry-
In its early days, Georg Simmel’s theory of romantic relationships was a theoretical construct with a systemic focus on psychology, basically having an application in the field of couples therapy and family therapy, conceptually determining the existence of five phases that each couple must have. pass to achieve commitment. Let’s see below.
Generally, this phase is characterized by the search for coincidental traits between two people, according to Georg Simmel’s theory, when we discover coincidences between two people, attraction occurs, which pushes us to look more and more like people, often they are real. , but they can also be fictional.
Similarities or coincidences are not necessarily equal traits, in fact, they can often even be oppositions, for example someone who likes to speak and someone who likes to listen, in any case, the feeling is that there is mutual harmony.
After completing the first phase of the attraction, the couple believe that there are many coincidences between the two, letting them understand each other, complement each other, in a way that is not common, this unleashes a lot of enthusiasm between them, which will gradually become a passion.
Then begins the stage of passionate feeling. Eroticism and sexuality become predominant feelings in the relationship, hormones boil. The feelings are intense and there is a strong idealization of the other, this step is not usually very long.
Gradually, the couple detects that paradise is ephemeral, and that the other is not as perfect as it might have seemed at first glance. Then begins the stage of serene passion in the context of Georg Simmel’s theory. Most commonly, the parties begin to realize each other’s boundaries and also theirs in the relationship.
This means that the idealized image begins to give way to a more realistic view of the other. If the other has defects, we see them; if sometimes we want to be alone, do we accept?When the relationship has a good foundation, love persists, with sexuality. In any case, the intensity of feelings decreases slightly. The couple matures.
Some define this phase as the change of “Do I love you?by “I want to love you. ” In other words, we go from passion to feeling like it’s a conscious decision. The most important factor here is reason and will. Is it clear that the other is not our half of the orange?because no one and yet there is a desire to cultivate the bond.
Georg Simmel’s theory of romantic relationships says that this stage corresponds to the fullness of love, we no longer have the illusions that lead us to create hormones, but we are convinced that we want to continue the relationship, cultivate it, it is a better communication. Step.
The final stage of the formation of the couple is the formalization of the bond and the establishment of a mutual commitment, at which time the two make medium and long-term plans together, stop living life in solitude and give each other a permanent place.
Here, the “duo” is formed correctly. Both are now a unique system, which has its own structure and dynamics; create norms and routines, dreams and limits; each delivers one part of himself according to the other.
Georg Simmel’s theory of romantic relationships says that relationships are strengthened when each step is experienced, if, for example, it goes from passion to commitment (as is often the case), the bond becomes fragile, on the contrary, if we live each phase. to the fullest, the relationship will probably be healthy and strong.