In romantic relationships, many factors determine whether it will work or whether the relationship is doomed to failure.
For a relationship to be firmly established it must have a good foundation and solid pillars, where we can rely when problems arise from differences, we are all different and, therefore, how to resolve differences will be the fundamental factor in differentiating. a successful relationship of a relationship that hasn’t worked.
- As Gottman.
- A relationship psychologist.
- Says.
- The problem is not conflict.
- Because they are common and inevitable.
- It is in the mechanisms that are activated when problems arise.
For this reason, couples who eventually separate tend to get caught up in negative emotions, leading to a cycle of self-destruction; Consistent use of communication mechanisms that hurt and are ineffective in resolving or accepting the living situation.
These mechanisms were referred to by Gottman as “Four Knights Separation Predictors” and are as follows:
It is an attitude of defending what is perceived as an attack, an attitude that denies its own responsibility for the conflict and therefore does not assume its share of learning or change to resolve it.
Defensiveness also involves an attack, which can manifest itself in the form of censorship, threats, trials, etc. conflict.
With the phrase “The best defense is attack”, we have launched a great battle where the solution to the conflict is far away, while focusing more on “Attack to defend ourselves”. To take responsibility and seek solutions.
Indifference is an attitude to avoid conflict, we turn away and disconnect from the arguments of the other and the person himself, as if the problem were not with us, it is a negative strategy because, again, it takes us away from the solution, because by not taking on the problem and dealing with it, nothing will be solved.
They are attitudes of silence, passive body expression, expression, avoidance, answers full of deficiencies, that close us within ourselves, placing us above the problem and the relationship, as if the conflict had not occurred with us.
I’m indifferent when I ignore the problem and the other, as if it didn’t matter.
Criticism is destructive when it becomes a judgment against the person, not an opinion about his actions, this criticism disqualifies and attacks the other, without respect for his person.
It is a disrespectful way to express a disagreement or complaint about something the other person has done, judging their actions based on how the person is criticized.
The words “if you do that, you’re like that” are confusing. Emotional judgment, accusation, censorship and conviction directed at the person being criticized are very destructive.
They are aggressive and disrespectful attitudes, expressed directly to the couple, including gestures, words, insults, threats, misrespect, jokes and humiliations, which imply an attitude of superiority on the part of those who despise them.
The despised person feels inferior and nullified, because it is as if something happens above her, trampling and injuring the little ego that could still be intact.