Relationships aren’t simple, or at least that’s what some people think. Perhaps this is because the hammer and wall may be present in a relationship and those who form it or their surroundings have not noticed it. It is a hammer that they use to try to tear down the walls that create different attitudes in the couple.
Then, through a brief story, we will discover how the hammer and the wall are nothing more than a metaphor for an unbearable fear of the other being emotionally away from us; however, we will understand that no matter how much we try to hammer, it is necessary to respect everyone’s space.
- Alice didn’t understand what was wrong with John.
- I had been a little strange.
- Calmer than usual for a few days.
- And that was far away.
- When asked what was wrong with her.
- The answer was always the same: “nothing.
- “.
For Alicia, the situation has not improved; became more tense and nervous. John seemed to go further and further. Did he say everything was fine, that he needed to be with himself, something Alice couldn’t understand?To her, it was a symptom that something was wrong with the relationship.
Something was wrong, wasn’t he happy?Alice’s insistence, the constant questions, and the list of plans he shared with John did not seem to solve the situation, John needed space, time for him, and Alicia did not understand it.
A misunderstanding about the need to make room for the other person can cause serious conflicts in a relationship if this situation is not resolved.
As we said, Alice was very insecure; a state derived from the interpretation of John’s behavior, she did not understand why John needed time for him, so, in the face of a situation that she did not understand, her response was to try to change it.
Therefore, the hammer and the wall settled in the relationship, causing a conflict difficult to resolve. For Alice, the words? Time for you “space” were also that his partner was moving away, which caused him enormous anxiety.
Because Alice didn’t give John the space she needed, john started building a wall and it was shut down more and more. Meanwhile, Alice, with a hammer, began to try to knock her down, trying to reduce the distance John had placed.
From the outside, the solution seems simple. If Alicia changed her strategy and chose to give Juan the space he needed, there would probably be a natural readjustment in the relationship.
However, Alicia’s anxiety and coping strategy only affected the relationship, but let’s remember that we see her from the outside, taking on a spectator role.
Do all romantic relationships go through a phase of?Passion ?, in which the couple shares a lot of activities, the best definition, as this study points out, would be the state of a person dominated by a feeling of living towards the other, whom he considers his greatest asset, with which he would like to join forever and for which he would sacrifice, if necessary, life itself ?.
However, over time, each member of the couple needs to recover some of this shared space. It is necessary to have friends who are not common or perform activities in which the couple does not participate.
If we are in a transition period between the two phases, it will be positive to analyze whether we are performing an activity in which our partner is not involved, in addition to understanding that each person needs their space, but we may need more or less than the other: it is about finding a balance.
“A couple are two people who share their happiness, not two people who are one. “Tessier?
Don’t I like my partner anymore?Or ‘the relationship has cooled down’. It’s the opposite. The space in the relationship is essential so that the feeling of lack of freedom does not appear and, therefore, so that the hammer and the wall are not present.
Each couple is a world and decides the size or size of that space. Thus, we can identify couples who work very well while maintaining a small personal space, and others who do so with a larger functional space. Depends on where they find their break-even point.
In any case, it is important to try to overcome resistances with different hammer and wall strategies. In addition, in cases where the hammer is lifted, governed by insecurity, it is better to look for a professional.
It will help us to adopt the viewer’s point of view to identify the problem, and provide us with tools to regain the lost balance without damaging the relationship.