Healing emotional wounds does not mean forgetting, it is above all to prevent them from controlling our lives, something like this requires a process of painstaking transformation in which we understand that we will no longer be the same, for healing is not a return, but a Deft Reconstruction to train someone new, someone stronger and more precious.
We all have injuries that require attention, we live in a world where there are many forms of violence, some more explicit and some hidden and silent, sexism, discrimination, harassment, physical or social bullying, the effects of family dysfunction and even cultural messages. about beauty and success are some of the things that can leave a mark on us.
- “When reason is able to understand what happened.
- The wounds of the heart are already too deep.
- “-Carlos Ruiz Zafón-.
Over the past few centuries, Western psychology has tried to heal wounds with its wide range of approaches and techniques, with some success, it is a science guided by its essence to try to alleviate this pain, to provide appropriate techniques to improve our thought patterns and behavior to achieve change, a fundamental improvement.
However, none of this will be possible if the person, if he is the patient himself, does not want to be cured. In addition, what happens very often is that, far from solving the problem, the concrete fact or the traumatic past, people choose to squeeze their knuckles. they close their teeth, close their hearts and move forward without looking at the rearview mirror.
It is a bad strategy, and besides another mistake that we usually make is to think that time heals everything, that it only takes days, months and years for everything to be solved, however time cures nothing, what cures is what we do with this time.
Ana is 30 years old and lost her father nearly eight months ago after a stroke; his family, his partner, friends and family were surprised by the way he handled the duel; did not ask for a job leave, even after the funeral, Anne focused almost obsessively on her professional projects, working frantically.
No one saw her cry or express emotional relief. His behavior is more active than ever, so much so that he doesn’t stop for a second at home; it’s like trying to be busy all the time so as not to think, not to feel. However, he reached such a point of exhaustion and stress that he decided to go to the doctor to give him “something to sleep or relax. “However, your doctor decides to refer you for psychological assistance.
Thus, once Ana’s case has been analyzed, the psychologist has two very clear things: the first is that his patient has not experienced any kind of bereavement and the second is that he has created a “survival state” so effective that he hides a deep primary pain. Ana needs to heal wounds, wounds that can go beyond the simple loss of her father, traumatic events that may be in her past and that, now, with the death of her relative, have been reactivated to form a “everything?”Even more, problematic and complex.
This story allows us to understand two things that we will then expose, given the experience of pain, emptiness and confusion caused by a traumatic event, such as a case of abuse, abuse, loss or any other event, is common for the person. try to turn the page, leave that event behind, forget. To do this, he creates a “false self”, a personality with which he continues to float.
However, the primary wound is still there, dormant and will gradually spread to create other secondary wounds (isolation, personality disorders, anxiety, depression?).
Is there a very interesting book called? The Primal Wound psychiatrist John Firman, who explains something as interesting as it is useful: Healing wounds does not mean erasing trauma, means regaining power as human beings and, above all, creating an empathetic bond with this primary wound.
This can be strange or even complex. To understand this, just remember something: when a person goes to therapy, the first thing you will notice is an empathetic environment, a cozy and close environment, where the psychologist always tries to connect with his patient. part is to connect with empathy with his wounds, with his internal needs, those he neglected or did not want to see.
In this way we will be able to progressively cure the primary trauma and its side effects over time, fluidly and safely. In addition, another useful aspect that Dr. Firman explains in his book is the importance of knowing how to apply the right emotional help to everyone. of this: scratches and emotional cuts?people tend to suffer on a daily basis. Let’s look at some examples.
The final step is change. Healing wounds requires initiating changes, personally and in our environment, to shape someone new. Sometimes meeting new people, undertaking new projects or practicing new hobbies gives us the right incentives to start facing the challenge more forcefully and enthusiastically.
As an ancient Chinese proverb says, if we comb our hair every day, why don’t we do the same with our hearts?Healing the wounds is possible, let’s start today.