An influential American journalist named Walter Winchell had a maxim: “Never above you, never under you, always by your side. “That makes sense, but it’s not always like that. In fact, in an absorbing relationship, there is a clear asymmetry in relational dynamics.
It is normal for a person to spend a lot of time with (a) partner or even thinking about the person, but what is unhealthy is invading the other person’s personal space and having virtually no personal life because of the constant demands, as is often the case in this type of relationship.
- However.
- There are people who do not realize that they are immersed in an absorbing relationship.
- Because they assume as normal certain behaviors.
- For them the loss of intimacy and individuality is associated with their love for the other person.
- For this reason.
- We will indicate below some signs that alert us to this type of relationship.
According to Eliana Heresi, a doctor and professor at the Faculty of Psychology of UDP, the first sign that leads us to recognize an absorbing relationship is the loss of autonomy, although in the initial phase of passion, this can be normal, once this step is taken, we begin to leave this isolation.
If a member of the couple does not pass this phase, begins to close their borders and ends up isolating themselves from the rest, at first the people involved do not realize this, but sooner or later they discover some social isolation and deterioration of life. their individual relationships.
On the other hand, Heresi states that a person needs a certain degree of individuality in the relationship, that is, he must maintain his relationships and social ties in different areas, if it is lost, the individual becomes more prone to abuse and receives less information from the environment, so jealousy and conflicts arise in relations with third parties, and there is a decrease in social and family relations.
Another important aspect that we must pay attention to in identifying an absorbing relationship is asymmetry, the existence of a dominant role of one or both members of the couple, depending on the situation, prevents personal development and promotes situations of dependence, manipulation or abuse. An example of asymmetry may be the need for approval and confirmation from the other for life to make sense.
“The relationship between husband and wife must be a relationship of best friends. ” – B. R. Ambedkar-
A healthy relationship is symmetrical. That is, both components are observed as pairs, if one is above the other this symmetry is lost, however, it is difficult to recognize it, because in many cases it is confused with love, rather than identifying as control or jealousy.
Another sign of an absorbing relationship is one partner’s attempt to regain their independence and the denial of the other to achieve this goal.
Being aware of an absorbing bond is not easy, but it is always possible to become aware of it, despite the fears, conflicts and problems that may arise; however, a person may not be willing to face the problems that arise when trying to get out of this situation. In fact, the most common reaction is to be defensive, unable to acknowledge mistakes or think about the relationship.
In this sense, expanding friendships and social relationships can be positive for both parties, it can be as simple as having coffee with a colleague or family member.
“When someone shows you who you really are, believe me. “-Maya Angelou-
This is another sign that we can identify in an absorbing relationship, the fear of being left alone if the couple leaves us can perpetuate this kind of dynamic.
These fears often stem from past experiences, may have previously occurred with the same partner or in previous relationships, in any case they create insecurity and interfere with the link with the other person.
In such cases, communication is necessary, but you have to be very careful and choose the time, words and tone of the conversation. However, sometimes the reasons for this behavior are so entrenched that it is necessary to seek professional help.