Couple arguments tend to attract negative emotions just like honey attracts bees, many times these conflicts arise because we do not know how to adequately express our opinion or feelings during communication, which can lead our partner to not understand or feel attacked.
But that’s not the only problem. In addition to being able to communicate it is very important to know how to listen, receiving the information that the other person is trying to make us understand will avoid unnecessary tensions, in this way we can avoid misunderstandings and it will be easier to develop empathy between them.
- “It’s essential that couples learn to have conversations they never thought they would have: about what’s really going on in them.
- -John Welwood-.
Given the problems that may arise from conflicts in the relationship, a good capacity for communication is perhaps the best antidote to a common and consensual solution. On the other hand, the best ingredients for cooking this solution are respect, understanding and sensitivity towards the other person.
In addition, it is important to learn to communicate properly, as things are sometimes said out of time or at the least opportune time, which sometimes makes our dealings with the other person inappropriate.
Another problem arises when we try to guess the other person’s thoughts or feelings, because we tend to be wrong in the conclusions we draw. So, do we tend to generalize?” Do you always do the same thing,” “You never listen to me?, “You’re a devout,” instead of specifying what we like and what’s not clear. But not only that, it’s good that nonverbal behavior matches what’s being talked about and isn’t contradictory.
With regard to this nonverbal behavior, it is necessary to take into account certain aspects, first of all, in interpersonal communication it is important to maintain eye contact, as well as to adapt facial expression to the situation and to what we transmit. the body’s posture represents attention to the other person. And finally, it is recommended that the volume and tone of the voice be smooth and smooth.
“The most important thing in communication is to listen to what is not said. -Peter Drucker-
To prevent each member of the couple from doing personal interpretations, it is important to change non-specific language to a more operational language, if we rely on descriptions of facts and quantifiable aspects, we will not fall into the trap of generalization. . Remember to focus on positive information and communicate in the right place and in the right context and use the right verbal expression.
In this sense, it is necessary to express emotions that are pleasing to each other, as well as to recognize the aspects we like about what the other is doing. But you also need to be able to communicate negative feelings. In other words, we need to be able to explain to our partner how we feel about something that has happened, without that generating a fight or discussion. To do this, social skills are a fundamental tool.
In addition to knowing how to communicate what we think and feel about the other person and our relationship, it is important to be able to have a conversation within the relationship, it is essential to ask questions, continue the dialogue, know how to listen to the other and be able to close the dialogue.
“When the communication door is opened, anything is possible. That is why it is necessary to train to open up to others in order to establish communication with them. -Thich Nhat Hanh-
An important point of this dynamic is to train the listening skills that we have, in particular it is necessary to ensure eye contact, in addition to the orientation and physical closeness to the person who is talking to us. , it is possible to summarize the message that speaks to us and ask for confirmation later, to make sure that we understand what she is trying to express to us.
On the other hand, it is also important to work the skills while speaking, it is important to use short verbalizations in the first person, expressing themselves, when ordering it is also necessary to speak in the first person, in a positive way and referring to specific behaviors. Is it more effective to say: would you like us to go for a walk?instead of “we always throw ourselves on the couch and do nothing together. “
See the difference? The two messages do not arrive in the same way, even if our goal is the same: to leave home and spend time together as a couple. Communication is a fundamental part of relationships and proper expression can make the difference between healthy and full life. relationship and a harmful and malicious relationship.
Images courtesy of Redd Angelo and Freestocks.