Often, looking back, we think: why haven’t I discovered this before, but this article doesn’t talk about what we might have done in adolescence with the experience we have today, because there are lessons we learn only over time and, in many cases, by mistake. In this article, we’ll talk about how we can help a teen, what we’d like to know when we were teenagers, and what we didn’t know, things we’ll tell our children when the time comes, even if it hurts, even if it’s difficult.
There is no doubt that adolescence is a complicated stage because of all the changes it entails, both for young people and for their families, but let us be honest, behind an unbearable teenager, aren’t there also confused parents?
- In many cases.
- Some of the aspects that we cannot tolerate in our adolescents are the same aspects that our children copy to us and in this dynamic of tumultuous coexistence.
- While some forget to explain important ideas.
- Others simply say nothing.
- Prescription for high-risk adolescence.
- In this article we will give you some tips to help a teenager at this decisive stage of his life.
Despite the difficulties, your obligations? Post? As a parent, they represent responsibilities that you can’t forget, or at least you can’t refuse without your child paying the price, in this sense, if there are communication problems, even if you’re not solely responsible, you’ll have to take the first step to solve them. The first, the second and the third too.
A movement that can only arise from the acceptance of the problem. This recognition can be scary, because once accepted, there is no instruction manual. However, remember that it’s never too late to help a teen, try to make changes, set a good example, remember that love for our children is above anything else, including our self-esteem.
The more your child knows about the challenges he or she faces during adolescence, the more rewarding this phase will be, so you’ll gain more experience to face the future, and most importantly, you’ll be less likely to make mistakes that could be serious consequences Experiencing is healthy at any stage of life, but not forgetting that each of our actions has consequences.
You can’t walk through your child or carry him or her hand. The obligation must give way to the council, dialogue and exchange of views where you recognize it as a valid interlocutor. Of course, helping a teen is a gradual process, which can end. with disastrous consequences when we do so in a hurry or when we are paralyzed by our own fear of what might happen.
In many cases, they will try to act as the “little red companion”, they will try to do whatever they want and whatever they want. So why do I say, just increase your desire to challenge us, at this stage they will make many decisions without consulting us, without asking for our opinion or, if they do, they do not see it as an obligation. it is very important to teach them how to decide and how to give them security.
Teenagers have access to a lot of information. Despite this, we cannot ignore dialogue on fundamental issues, not so much to say what they probably already know, but to assess their views and detect doubts and misunderstandings.
However, there are many shared learnings and thoughts to help a teen who can make a difference, teachings that can alleviate many sufferings, and minimize the sense of misunderstanding and loneliness that we all feel, to a greater or lesser extent, as we go through this phase.
It is a very broad and complex topic and as such it is not a very attractive topic of conversation, however it can be of great help for teenagers to understand that their way of thinking can cause a lot of problems.
In this sense, it is important to talk to adolescents about hyperrationality, that is, the balance between perceived risk and its consequences. According to neuroscientists, the adolescent’s brain has difficulty calculating the risks of a given behavior due to lack of experience and incomplete development of the prefrontal cortex.
When a teen understands how brain development affects their decision-making, they’re more likely to make decisions more cautiously. Teaching young people how their brain works can help them be smarter, encourage them to limit their own awareness and dangers. who are present at this stage they go through.
For a teenager to be himself (or feel like himself) is fundamental, in this sense young people want to be loved and accepted, they want to be seen and recognized, they want, but they are also afraid. The problem is that many of them think that, in order to be independent and self-sufficient, they must reject everything that has to do with the aspirations that others, especially their parents, have for them.
On the other hand, many teenagers are afraid to be rejected if they reveal their true identity, so they act the way they think it best suits their environment, the way they think others would like. very difficult for them: they want to move away from any source of influence to gain their autonomy and, at the same time, to satisfy their need for acceptance, they often submit to the wishes of their companions to be accepted.
The first step in helping a teenager show himself as he really is, to defend his own values and ideas, is to let him be himself within the family. You won’t really know your child if you don’t let him or her express himself. , if you don’t let him choose for himself, from how he wants to decorate your room to what he wants to hear, see, read or study.
Anger and sadness are emotions and, as such, are perfectly acceptable. It’s not bad to be sad, it’s not bad to be angry. There are many reasons to control emotional expression and none to suppress or encapsulate emotions.
The problem is that many teenagers, like many adults, don’t know how to handle negative emotions, such as anger or sadness, but that’s no excuse. In fact, parents can assess the extent to which they are able to manage their emotions by examining their children’s behavior.
The bad news is that they learn from us and reproduce all those negative patterns that we hate in others, but that we find it difficult to identify with ourselves, it is better to identify this difficulty in childhood and therefore act correctly.
Another good news is that it’s never too late to change. In fact, by your example, you’ll propose a solid model from which teens can learn three lessons: the first, how to properly manage these emotions; the second, that you love him so much that you are able to fight and change; and the third, it’s never too late to follow the right path.
Many teens, when they realize the problems and pain caused by their emotions, are looking for a way to undo them. Some are immersed in rebellious and objective lives. Others seek refuge in cigarettes, alcohol and/or drugs.
Sex is another form of avoidance for many. They live fleeting relationships, without feelings or commitments, where what counts is the “quantity”. Others prefer to isolate themselves, so as not to suffer or have to be exposed.
In this sense, young people must learn to recognize, accept and express their emotions, in this phase new sensations appear, new emotions that are frightened by their intensity and origin, if they trust us we can help them in these difficult times.
We often ask and even pressure teens about the future. The pressure is such that many of them rebel and others sacrifice their youth to achieve the goals their parents have set themselves.
Of course, we have to think about the future, but it’s not all work, it’s not all study, everything that’s worth isn’t in the books, however good they are. Helping a teen also means teaching him from our experience how to act with serenity in the face of life’s challenges and the pursuit of his goals, in this way it will be easier to prevent the future from preventing you from living the present.
In adolescence, should there be room for everything: education, friends, sports, personal development activities?, should the adolescent be present in his daily life?This will allow you to get to know each other better and make your own decisions, depending on your personality, aspirations and values.
Most parents fear their children’s adolescence as if it were a disease that we will have to go through irretrievably, but it is not an evil that must be endured, it is an opportunity for both young people and their parents.
It is an opportunity to live a new stage, to take on new challenges and integrate them into the life story of each one, so that they bring well-being and tranquility, so a phase full of challenges does not have to be painful, sad or tragic. In addition, it can also be a wonderful time for parents. We still have a lot to say, offer and contribute, even if sometimes we are not welcome. Helping a teen is always possible.
For adolescence to be a learning opportunity, it depends to a large extent on parents, on the communication that exists in the family, on the values that have been lived at home since childhood.