The birth of children is a stage of life full of joy and stress almost equally. This implies a significant breakup with you? You knew him and the birth of a new role: that of mother. It is undeniable that many changes with motherhood.
While we welcome this new role with many desires and high expectations, having to take on responsibilities we didn’t have before, new interests and even unknown feelings can be distressing.
- As in any realm of life.
- When you start a journey for the first time.
- You start as a beginner and the environment forces you to adapt.
Does being a mother mean going from taking care of yourself, worrying about your health, your physique, your well-being, etc. , having to do it for another being. A being that outperforms you most of your time on the priority scale.
It is an immense, splendid and unconditional act of love, but at the same time it breaks down in a certain way the identity that had defined it until now, the reality is that motherhood forces you to give up parts of you, or at least to let go for a while.
This waiver implies a “you are no longer so important”, even if it is not true. But since you don’t have as much time or resources to take care of yourself in the same way, to carry out the same plans or projects. , you may inevitably feel abandoned.
This can significantly affect your self-esteem as a mother
Being a mother means reinventing yourself in many ways, it’s healthy, and also desirable, to keep intimate moments and try not to leave out or abandon your identity and interests.
However, plans, projects or stories will inevitably emerge that will have to be abandoned, simply because they are incompatible with the current moment, because many changes with motherhood.
The good news is that this resignation does not mean that they will disappear completely from your life, but will be changed by creating a “new me”. Areas that have undergone significant changes include:
Friends are among the elements of life that are most affected when motherhood begins, unless most friends have children at the same time and all are forced to take on a new role, most commonly changes occur.
The plans are hardly the same. The weather is not what it was before motherhood and as a result there is less availability for some programs, such as travel, festivals or nightlife until the early hours of the morning.
Desires and motivation also change. It is usual that the mother feels very tired most of the time and that, when she has free time, she wants to rest, so this area is forced to change.
Mothers start having sex with other mothers, with these groups they have more interests in common, more topics to talk about, and children can play with each other.
That doesn’t mean giving up our previous friendships, ideally to keep them as long as possible.
Today, conciliation remains a utopia. When motherhood comes into play, a new professional is born, the demands of breastfeeding and the availability of the baby make the work-parenting balance very difficult.
As a result, many women are forced to leave their jobs and careers, at least temporarily; others do not give up, but are plunged into a tsunami of daily stress and anxiety.
In any case, it is undeniable that professional life changes a lot with motherhood.
This area is almost entirely delegated to the baby. Physical or personal well-being is no longer as important an issue as it used to be.
It is quite normal that the mother does not feel so attractive, because the lack of time causes this area to be left in the background. In addition, the consequences of pregnancy and childbirth cause many women to have their physique altered.
If the person came home from work, showered, settled down and watched a series on Netflix, it ends when he becomes a mother, there is another being to heal, clean, dress, entertain, feed and sleep.
Leisure, as we said at the first point, is also different, the plans become much more relaxed, usually earlier and with different people who understand us and with which we can sympathize.
The couple largely becomes a ‘team of caregivers’. It will happen, but you have to force yourself to have moments of loneliness and intimacy.
However, the couple’s context is no longer the same: it’s harder to go out to dinner alone, have uninterrupted conversations, or find time to have sex.
In addition, the couple is suddenly immersed in an environment of pediatricians, diapers, toys, walks. . . which forces reinventing itself and taking on new responsibilities.
We need to be clear that we are who we are, that is, our identity does not disappear completely, as far as possible, and always realistic, we must make every effort to preserve ourselves and not get carried away.
It is also ripe to assume that many things will change and that we have to adapt to these changes, whether we like it or not.
In our hands, for example, is the opportunity to ask for help. No abuse, of course, but there are grandparents, uncles or nannies. It is desirable for a child to spend a lot of time with his parents, but the key is that he is emotionally stable.
Otherwise, it’s much more advisable to seek help, stabilize, breathe, and be with your children again without feeling guilty.
Another option is to combine your own disconnection periods with your partner, this means alternating the moments when everyone takes care of the child, the idea is that it is done with love, without then playing in front of the other one who has the turn. , who stayed longer, etc.
While motherhood can be very difficult, it still changes life, as well as the transition from childhood to adolescence, what is happening is that, in this case, it is an option of free choice.
It is important to start focusing on this new situation, to assume that there are things that will not be the same as before, but that there are others that can bring us the greatest satisfaction if we know how to take advantage of them.