Why is there an attraction among people? That is one of the questions we have all asked ourselves and, fortunately, to satisfy our curiosity, the subject of attraction has already been extensively studied.
Perhaps it is because it has always been easier for researchers, it is easier to produce these feelings in strangers than to observe romantic relationships for long periods of time.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
- A 19th century poet.
- Wrote: How much do I love you? Let me tell you how much? The author thus expresses feelings about a central theme in the lives of most people.
- A theme that has become a very important research topic by social psychologists: love and affection.
Traditional studies have provided a great deal of knowledge about the factors that initially attract two people, some of the most important are the ones we will mention below.
If you live in a building or condo, think of the friends you made when you moved here. Chances are your closest friends have become your best friends.
In fact, it is one of the most powerful discoveries of literature on attraction among people. It is easy to see, proximity leads to affection (Festinger, Schachter and Back, 1950).
Repeated exposure to a person is usually enough to generate attraction, it is interesting to know that repeated exposure to any stimulus (whether a person, a painting, a disc or another) almost always makes the stimulus more pleasant for us (Zajonc, 1968).
The process of familiarization with a stimulus can generate positive feelings, these feelings that generate familiarity are then transferred to the stimulus itself, although there are exceptions.
When initial interactions are extremely negative, we are unlikely to like repeated exposure more; on the contrary, the more they are exposed to that person, the more we dislike them.
Popular wisdom speaks of two people who are made for each other. Unfortunately, it also tells us that opposites attract. Social psychologists have come to a clear verdict on which of these two claims is correct.
We tend to like those who look like us. Discovering that the attitudes, values or traits of others resemble our own favors the emergence of affection and, moreover, the more they resemble us, the more attractive they seem to us (Byrne, 1969).
One of the reasons why similarity increases the likelihood of interpersonal attraction is that we assume that people with similar attitudes will positively evaluate us; because of a strong mutual effect of affection, knowing that someone is positively evaluating us encourages us to pay attention to that person. .
We all know exceptions to the general rule that similarity is related to attraction among people, there are couples who seem to have total differences in personality, interests and attitudes, however, their components are totally passionate about each other.
Social psychologists have explained cases in which some people are attracted to people other than themselves based on the needs they meet, and according to this reasoning, we may be attracted to people who meet most of our needs.
Thus, a dominant person can search for someone submissive, and a submissive person can look for someone who is dominant. While their differences make them think they are incompatible, by establishing a relationship they meet each other’s complementary needs.
For most people, the fact that beauty matters is undeniable. Those that are physically attractive are more popular than those that are not, if all other factors are the same.
This finding contradicts the values that most people claim to have, however, it seems to be true even in childhood, and this criterion remains until adulthood.
In fact, physical attractiveness may be the single most important element in generating initial affection during college encounters, yet its influence ultimately diminishes when people get to know each other better.
While physical attractiveness offers many advantages, it also has a negative aspect. Physical beauty makes a better impression in workplace situations, which can harm women in leadership positions.
The cause of this phenomenon is a common (albeit unfounded) stereotype that attractive and successful women have been employed because of their appearance.
However, physical attractiveness, in general, is an advantage in social interactions, it is a very powerful factor in determining who attracts people and what kind of social life they lead.
These factors that we have just seen are not the only ones that influence the attraction among people, in a study of about 40,000 people, the qualities most appreciated in a friend were the ability to keep secrets, loyalty, warmth and affection, closely followed by support. , openness and sense of humor.