The absence of a loved one, a loved one, is a source of suffering for all, although loving and losing a loved one is a constant in life, we never give up on it at all, it is as if, even if we know that nothing lasts forever, we refuse to accept that this. It is a kind of psychological rebellion, because, at the moment, science does not allow reality.
It is often said that there is a contradiction between reason and heart, the spirit tells us that we must accept this absence, but something deeper refuses to let our guard down completely and fulfill this loss.
“Sometimes when we lose a person, the whole world seems uninhabited. “- Lamartine-
Indeed, the presence and absence of a loved one provokes reactions in areas where we have little control, in love and pain are involved physiological processes, there are changes that are physical and beyond what we can understand and manage, this explains the problem. called “opposition process theory. “
The theory of the opposition process was developed by Solomon and Corbit in 1974. Under this approach, our brain tends to seek emotional balance, and the way you choose to do it is by trying to neutralize your emotions, to achieve it performs a recurring operation: when an intense emotion occurs, which removes the usual stability, the answer is to give way to the opposite emotion or “corrective emotional stimulus”.
According to this theory, response stimulus is weak at first, but gradually gaining strength, based on these principles, it is possible to explain, in part, both what happens in an addiction and what happens in the brain after an emotional loss.
When the initial emotion appears, it is very intense, has no opposition and therefore reaches a maximum level, that is what happens, for example, in passion, however, little by little, the reverse stimulus appears, even if it is not perceived at first. Gradually, it gains strength to neutralize this initial emotion.
On the brain side, the absence of a loved one has effects similar to those of withdrawal syndrome experienced by addicts to a substance. In both cases, there is an initial stimulus and a “corrective stimulus”.
Let’s take the example of alcohol consumption. The drinker has a number of euphoric reactions. Do you disin inhibit and is it anesthesia? Face any discomfort you feel The next day everything is upside down, it is likely that the person is depressed, insecure and wants to recover the initial stimulus by drinking more.
In the case of feelings, the initial stimulus is affection in itself, there is attachment, a need for this person, it is a joy to see you. In couples, in particular, this initial emotional stimulus is very intense, at the same time the opposite stimulus appears, so, over time, the intensity of the beginning gives way to a certain?Neutrality? In feelings.
However, if there is an absence, either because that person is leaving or because he dies, there is a decompensation. The initial stimulus disappears and only the? Fixed stimulus, which, in turn, intensifies. This is lived in a very unpleasant way: with sadness, irritability and all the emotions that grief entails.
All emotions also occur organically, this means that for every emotion there is a physiological process in the body and chemical changes in the brain, when we love someone, we do it not only with the soul, but also with the elements of the newspaper. table and with the way they manifest themselves in the body.
That’s why the absence of a loved one is not just an emotional vacuum, loved ones generate a lot of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin; when they are not, the body suffers from a disorder that, in principle, cannot be balanced. It takes time for a new opposition process to happen: one facing intense negative emotion, a “corrective stimulus. “to regain balance.
What is the use of knowing all this? Simply to understand that the absence of a loved one has profound implications for the mind and body. That it is inevitable, after a loss, to go through a reordering process that takes some time. It is often simply a matter of allowing these processes to unfold. Trust in the fact that we have been designed to restore balance.