Just as bones can break, you can also have a broken heart, when this happens, the mind deceives us, leads us to a phase of despair, where we cling to every breath of small and impossible hopes. the heart settles and the mind calms down, returns to the place where we reconcile with dignity to overcome pain.
It was only out of curiosity in the 1970s that one of the most reproduced songs was By Bee Gees who said: How to heal a broken heart ?, How can we prevent rain from falling or the sun ???There was a little breath of despair in these words, showing that the love is that wound that apparently never heals.
“It’s better to have loved and lost than ever loved. “Alfred Lord Tennyson?
Another interesting aspect that has been studied by social psychologists is the fact that people, on average, fear much more social and/or emotional pain than physical pain, for example, breaking one or more bones does not scare us as much as you experience it. disappointment, lying or emotional collapse. In addition, our body knows exactly what to do and how to respond to a physical injury or infection.
However, when a relationship ends, the body and mind are further blocked, and experts say that the brain interprets this separation as a burn, i. e. emotional pain is felt by the brain in the same way as a physical injury, however we do not know very well how to “repair” this impact. So does the mind enter for a while into a process of contradictions, false hopes, meaningless reasoning?
The mind deceives us, but it does so without us realizing it, it does so because it is wounded, lost and attached to a fragmented heart that does not know how to handle rejection, goodbye to a love that until recently was everything. It happens, we are trapped in a complex network of defense mechanisms where we der-dig up everything that has happened. In addition, even more sophisticated and undesirable processes occur in the brain.
Our secondary somatosensory cortex and posterior dorsal insula are intensely activated, these structures are related to physical pain because, as mentioned above, emotional suffering is lived in the same way as physical suffering, all this means that we cannot think clearly, now let’s see how we normally do it.
Emotional pain causes distress and anguish seeks refuge, seeks nooks and crannies where it can alleviate its despair. At this point after the breakup it is common for those idealized but nefarious thoughts to arise, where one can say things like, “I’ve lost the most important person in my life, the only one who could make me happy. “
Your mind is confused and deceives you. The most important person in your life is you, your ex-pair was an important person during a stage that’s over, and that’s something to take care of.
Denial is the first phase of grief and this is where we inevitably cling to conflicting thoughts. We tell ourselves that we have neglected the relationship, that we have done something wrong that can still be repaired.
From there, we try almost obsessively to convince the other person that we have to try again, erase the past, start over. . . because our love cannot end like this, the mind deceives you, your heart hurts and good intentions hurt. It invades you as you close your eyes: the other person no longer loves you and, in the face of this reality, there is no room for further attempts.
Do we live in the age of immediate communication, instant reinforcement, the inability to tolerate frustration?How can I accept that my loved one no longer writes messages to me?How can I understand that you’ve blocked me, that you don’t want to know anymore?About me?
Our mind will invent a thousand excuses to explain your silence, your refusal or the delay in answering; It will also plan a thousand strategies to send a final message or a desperate proposal; these destructive dynamics will endure until dignity tells us ‘At that moment, we will take the necessary measures, such as excluding our ex-partner from the list of contacts and social networks.
“Sometimes, when a person leaves, the world seems empty. “Lamartine?
This affirmation is true, our life will not be the same again after suffering this emotional loss, however, the mind deceives us when it whispers in a low and constant voice that happiness has turned away from us, that we will never find another love, that we will never find someone like the person who has left us.
These thoughts are an absurd form of mental torture, of course life will not be the same, it will be different, it will be new and it will be much better, because we will not have on our side someone who simply does not love. Us. Or yes, but in a bad way.
Is there a clear, objective, tangible and millimeter reason why we stop loving someone?Not always. You can become obsessed and even despair, but sometimes love stops without knowing why.
There may be a second person, there may be many details that bother us, but most of the time, can’t love translate into words?In these cases, we end up with the acceptance and, above all, the honesty of the person who has stopped loving. It must be clear that there is no turning back or future together.
In conclusion, we know that we cannot always trust our minds when our hearts are broken, however, most of the time, this feeling and these questions are part of our own pain. Accepting what happened will bring order in the midst of chaos and you will. Gradually return to your normal life. Don’t let a bad experience ruin your future life. Follow all the steps, enjoy the process and start a delicate and essential task: to heal your heart.