How does the title say, there are people who are not considered worthy of love. As we well know, there are many ways to build intimate relationships with others. As many shapes as colors. However, there are certain types of emotional styles that often meet this standard. A fully structured and consistent standard.
In other words, we could bring some people together in the same emotional style, because they have characteristics that are common to them. Emotional style is how I bond with each other. That’s how I give or receive love. An exchange that seems simple. , but we will gradually understand.
- Is it possible to meet the loved one? Just like ourselves.
- Or perhaps it would be better to say so little?-Erich Fromm-.
This seems easy and should be quite natural to give and receive love in a healthy and beneficial way for both parties, however, this is sometimes complicated and results in an overwhelming task. How complex a human being is!
Today we are going to talk about a particular emotional style: that of people who consider that they do not deserve to be loved, are people who feel despicable and, therefore, disappointing, their analysis of themselves is so terrible and so burdened with contempt that it makes them unable to see anything good in themselves.
They are not worthy of love. They do not feel worthy of affection. They really see themselves as monsters who should live in loneliness and deep ostracism.
Many times this belief, as ingrained as “Am I despicable and no one should love me?” It has its origins in the most significant attachment relationships that the person has had, which form a way of connecting and exchanging affections that are difficult to change. : not only emotions are based on them, but also thoughts.
This aspect has some relation to the topic we mentioned earlier about the purpose of life. One way or another, about this disabling belief, they have built their lives and on that, they make their decisions.
Building people’s lives in faith, am I not someone to love?It’s a lifetime sentence. It’s the most painful and lonely prison where you can meet, if I consider myself unworthy of love, I’ll never seek affection on the outside because I don’t want to disappoint anyone, not just that, I’ll turn you down. I will retreat subtly so that no one can discover what I think is my true nature.
I will cover my relationships with different masks of lies, masks that camouflage me and allow me to approach other people from a distance, if I do not consider myself worthy of love, I do not want to show my essence, if I do not show my essence, I will have to turn around to show others a more attractive and less disappointing face.
That’s how I stop being authentic. I get lost in this dance of masks and lies, I come up with my own masks. Others fall into my traps and may fall in love with who I am not, but these masks are special and are made of a material that, over time, rots.
If I feel that I am about to be discovered: I disappear, I will not hesitate to apologize with explanations of all kinds, all so that I no longer feel like someone so despicable and unworthy.
Everything goes in this war against myself. A war in which, paradoxically, what a person is looking for is not to leave as disoriented as he already is. Don’t rain in the rain.
For these people all fear is good to achieve their goals, your goal is that others do not know who you really are, if others discover how invaluable it is (the PENSA that is), they will re-confirm their faith in themselves and will be an even deeper cut in their emotional wound.
That’s why when someone gives you love or affection, it’s so hard to receive you, because in your head this show of love is not deserved (because they don’t really know it: they only know the mask it shows) and that makes them feel even worse.
Then comes a time when people who aren’t interested in them prefer those who show curiosity and anxiety about actually meeting them.
Having this style of affection for life is really disabling and exhausting, the person is unable to give love and cannot afford to receive it, you cannot have a healthy and fruitful intimate relationship, your partner will not understand how you feel and will suffer for it. Contradiction.
Psychotherapy is a very useful and profound tool to work on these problems, because what you need to explore and understand is how that belief was created in your life, so you can work for the authenticity of the person.
Do you see yourself as someone, not worthy of love, doesn’t it mean, by extension, that everyone sees it that way, are you sure you’ll look much nicer and more permissive than you think?
“You’ll know that you really love it when you can show yourself how you are and without fear of being hurt. – Walter laughs
It’s not an easy or quick way to regain a healthy and beneficial emotional style, but it’s the only way to go if you want to live in peace with yourself and therefore others. It’s better to dance a dance without a mask. Everything will be more real and we won’t stumble upon deceptive appearances.