Learning not to agree is a very useful art, in this way we will avoid falling into simple discussion and we will be able to effectively control our interlocutor to avoid conflicts and define our position elegantly without ending in offense or insult. faced with a formidable tool based on a clever disagreement that we should all know how to apply in our day to day.
We have to admit that if there is one thing that many of us do not know how to do is to disagree, besides, to this day, there are still many people who confuse terms and think that the word is actually synonymous with discussion. . That is a mistake and therefore we need to clarify this misconception: to disagree with an idea or opinion, and it does not necessarily pose a crime or a threat to anyone.
“It’s better to discuss an unresolved problem than to solve a problem without discussing it. “Joseph Joubert?
In addition, another element to consider is that disagreement somehow defines our individuality, the ability to have our own opinion, not only to defend it, but to argue intelligently, enriching the communication process. and the relationship itself.
In our day-to-day life, disagreeing with something means creating a division of opinions where two people believe they have absolute truth, gradually the comments appear without valid arguments and suddenly a dispute begins where no one wins and everyone loses. this every day on social media and on the political scene.
Therefore, it is advisable to learn not to agree with elegance and efficiency to avoid these unnecessary situations, here are 4 strategies to learn to disagree without arguing.
People who know how to disagree with great skill know a very simple secret: to dissent effectively you have to have a calm mind, you need to listen carefully to the interlocutor and understand that nothing he says should be taken personally.
By the time we assume that what is said is a threat, the discussion begins and everything is lost, that is, if the person in front of me tells me that the most beautiful color in the world is green, I do not. I have to think he despises me because I like yellow.
Therefore, it is necessary to keep one’s mind open and relaxed, and not to take each other’s arguments to the emotional level, knowing that disagreeing is not threatening or underestimating the other’s opinion.
In our day-to-day life, we often encounter people accustomed to seeing the world from their own point of view who do not accept contrary opinions, talking to them can be an impossible task, and therefore, often, because of fatigue or waste. no longer, we think it’s better to shut up and agree than say one naturally?
Make no mistake, learning to disagree will allow us to do many things, the first is to reaffirm our identity, our self-esteem and our opinions, the second is to be much more sociable, to enrich our relationships and to always be consistent with what we feel, say and do.
In fact, in the business and work world, it can be said that if there are 10 people in a meeting and everyone agrees, there are probably nine in that group. It is not always necessary to be right. Does disagreement generate new views, generate wealth of ideas, generate human capital?
Often, when we talk to someone and choose not to agree to a fact, concept or idea, our tone of voice changes and we raise our voices, at this stage we will stop importing our arguments because that menacing tone of voice will lead to discussion and lead to a moment of tension.
To avoid this it is better to work on our emotional regulation, you have to understand that not agreeing with something should not be considered a violation, let us take care of this emotion and regulate the tone of our voice.
“The fact that you have silenced someone does not mean that you have convinced them. ” Joseph Morley?
Paul Graham is a British programmer and essayist who gained considerable fame after a 2008 book entitled “How to Disagree. “Explain that to learn to disagree, we need to understand that there are some more useful levels and other levels at which this dialogue can lead to insults and complaints.
Therefore, in order to be effective and debate elegantly, we must remain at this summit, in this argumentative excellence that we can learn over time, that would be the hierarchy of disagreement:
As we see in this graph, the areas we need to focus on to be effective in the face of differences are the four main ones. From the fifth, the discussion ends with attacks, criticisms and faults.
Therefore, ideally we will act in each of our conversations, when we do not agree with our interlocutors:
In conclusion, only one detail is lacking: we all know that learning to disagree is not always easy, we often take this problem into the emotional realm and lose control, we need to understand that disagreement is not an offense and that, in reality, it is an excellent opportunity to make agreements, learn from others and achieve great achievements.