“Why was it different from now on?” Certainly this question crossed your mind once when you were in a relationship, this issue has caused doubt, mistrust and great insecurity, but above all it has led you and your partner to face constant crisis in the relationship.
Couple crises should not alarm us, they usually occur when the couple goes through a transitional stage and needs a change, but what we do have to worry about is how to deal with it.
- Blaming the other person.
- Ignoring what is happening or believing it to be the end and blindly relying on certain beliefs that undermine the bond we have between us are things that we need to analyze.
- In a relationship it is normal that over the years we face new challenges or projects that we had not even imagined.
- The question is how to deal with them.
A romantic relationship is very important to us. However, there are several beliefs and behaviors that make something beautiful a nightmare, for example, how we think it should be a romantic relationship, and even the conception we have of love or belief in what the proper behavior of the other should be. this influences us and can be decisive for the emergence of a crisis.
“The crisis is a state of events in which change is imminent, one way or another. “- Webster-
Another example, although we do not consciously think about it, is that most of us would like the passion phase to continue over and over again, when the intensity of this step decreases, we begin to see our partner as he is. expectations and idealizations disappear and can lead to a crisis.
After discovering that our partner is not what we thought, that we had put a blindfold on our eyes, we tried to maintain the relationship in the best possible way, in some cases we tried to change the other, shape it and direct it towards these dissatisfied. ideals and expectations.
However, this is not to accept the other, but to try to make it our image and likeness, so when we become obsessed with this type of behavior, the other person may be offended and chances are that there will be constant crises in the relationship. Think, how would we feel if someone tried to change who we are?Asking our partner to change is valid as long as it is not a requirement and the other’s opinion also counts.
Another mistake is to believe that since we already have this person that we love so much by our side, we no longer have to make any effort, we have to cultivate love every day, but for some reason we don’t care what we take for a fact. So we forget to show our partner how much we value it, we want it and we love it, this is essential if you want to maintain a healthy relationship, based on admiration and respect.
Undoubtedly, one aspect at the root of most of the constant crises in the relationship will be the lack of communication. Don’t say what’s bothering us right now and keep it until you can’t stand it and it explodes; doubting the other, but without saying anything and living in constant distrust; make decisions that involve the couple, but each on their own, all of which weakens the bond.
Another aspect that can increase the appearance of a seizure is emotional dependence, a problem derived from certain beliefs, since the other is a source of happiness for the person suffering from this addiction and would be nothing without him, so totally dependent on his partner. Both to do activities and to feel good.
However, in each relationship, is it necessary for each member to enjoy their own space in which they can be without their partner, with their friends, doing what they like?Because the couple is not the center of the world and if it goes on like this. dynamic, will eventually suffocate.
Moreover, this total dependence on the other can lead to fears, insecurities and doubts about the relationship, which can trigger an immediate crisis.
On the other hand, sometimes we can compare our relationship with that of other couples, do we observe them and think that they are perfect, that they do everything together and never separate?It can also influence our relationship and make us want to be. The question is that we don’t know what happens when they walk through the door of their homes, can they even have seizures every day?
Comparing our relationships with others is an unjust and meaningless act, because we are not the same people, we do not live the same and much less we face the same things, each couple is a world and it is important to take this into account.
“Mature love attracts un promised and untethetic. It feeds on appreciation and develops freely. Ari Shemoth-
As we see, the constant crises in the relationship are only opportunities to change, to transform the relationship, whether to move forward or to end, crises are turning points that indicate that we must think about the relationship.
Therefore, the first step in resolving them is to be prepared for this, that is, to want to face these crises in the best possible way, both for our partner and for us, this means not only thinking and dialogue together, but also meditating individually.
At the time of the conversation it is important to get rid of complaints and disapprovals and take a practical and positive approach, there is no point in always remembering what the other has done wrong, the right thing to do is to think about how to fix it. or improve what happened to make a commitment. If this problem cannot be resolved, seeing a relationship specialist can help.
Constant crises in the relationship may or may not mean the breakdown of the relationship, but in both cases, they will be experiences that we must face if we want to move forward both personally and relationally.
Main image courtesy of Caroline Andrieu