Making mistakes is inherent to the human being. So we all do that, but we can learn from it and improve, to achieve this we must be aware of what we have done wrong, it is complicated, sometimes we are not aware of the failures we have, but others perceive and report. us of their criticisms.
When we’re criticized, the other person tries to communicate something they don’t like about us, but these suggestions for improvement may or may not correspond to reality. In addition, we may or may not want to change what you say, even if it is true. Read on to find out how we can cope with these reviews.
“Unfortunately, half the things they say about me are true. -Amy Winehouse-
Criticism tends to have a negative effect on us, don’t we often see them as a bad thing they tell us to hurt ourselves, but the truth is that we can see them as a suggestion of improvement, that is, as the medium within reach of others. to let us know that they didn’t like these actions, behaviors or work we’ve done.
Just as it is important to develop strategies to respond in the best possible way to criticism, it is also essential to learn how to do them correctly, so we do everything in our power to avoid confrontations or other problems in our relationships with others.
“The reviews will not be pleasant, but they are necessary. -Winston Churchill-
The truth is that it is difficult to control how we act when they tell us something that we need to improve, right?, since no one is perfect, we will find these kinds of suggestions in different areas of our lives. to see if we’re interested in the criticisms they generate.
In other words, we need to see if we want to improve that or not, in this case, if we’re interested, it’s important to know what the person is trying to say, to outline this we can ask questions to see if criticism has a real basis. Questions to ask include:
In this way, we will differentiate between critics who are in line with reality and those who are not, that is, it will allow us to see the constructive and the destructive. How do you act when a critique is constructive?and what the person says is really true?
The fact is that, although they are realistic, we do not know how to deal with them, so first of all, we have to accept these kinds of criticisms without justification, once this is done, we will have to decide whether or not to. We don’t want to change what we’ve been told. Or if, even if we want to, it’s hard to change.
If we want to change and improve on what we’ve been told, we have to tell the other person, hey, you’re right, it won’t happen again?If we find that our interlocutor continues to insist on the subject, use the scratched disc technique, i. e. repeat the same sentence more than once without entering into discussions.
Do what you feel in your heart to be okay, they’ll still criticize you, will they blame you if you do it or not?-Eleanor Roosevelt-
At other times, it’s complicated or impossible to change. In this case, we have to explain to the other party that it is difficult for us to change, and we can also ask for help or create alternatives, in this way the other person will show empathy with us, getting defensive, however, tensions between the two sides will increase.
Finally, if the criticism that is made to us is realistic, we do not have to want to change, in this case we only have to agree with our interlocutor, but not only that, we can also propose other alternatives to improve the situation and negotiate on its basis to try to avoid conflicts.
At other times, we see that the criticism that the other person is making us does not correspond to reality, if we do not handle the situation properly it will be very easy to engage in discussions that will surely lead nowhere. Therefore, it is important to jointly perform other assertive techniques, such as misting with an ambiguous alternative.
Nebulization consists of participating in each other’s discourse to recognize that they may have their personal motives for thinking in a certain way, but without losing our position. For example, “Is it normal for you to feel that way if you think I’m not responding to your messages because you’re not important to me?”
We paraphrase and understand the other person without losing our perspective. After that we can give a general or ambiguous alternative, like?I’m going to think or “I’ll keep that in mind. ” In this way, we can reach a partial agreement with our interlocutor.
These techniques are tools to take into account in our interpersonal relationships, whether with friends, family, colleagues or our partner, because reacting calmly and empathically to a suggestion for improvement will greatly reduce the possibility of being in a confrontation with the other part. , although the criticisms are not of our interest or realistic.