“Good lovers are not born, they become like this. Eroticism must be cultivated. Should you have an active approach to seeing your partner as an erotic person?This phrase is by Esther Perel, sexologist and author of books such as “Bondage Mating”, in which she tries to explain what needs to be done so that lust and desire do not end in a serious or lasting relationship.
A couple’s sexual attraction or sex appeal is a subjective issue, in which physical factors can be important, but it is emotional ones that have the greatest weight, especially over time, so the way to sexually attract the partner ends up becoming more of a matter of knowledge and discovery of the other and of oneself , in an exchange that occurs in the relationship.
- Therefore.
- Understanding and satisfying your partner’s sexual preferences ends up being essential so that the flame doesn’t go out.
Usually, when there is sexual attraction, there is a touch of mystery and the other has something else to discover, knowing what new surprises to expect triggers an erotic rebirth, a key point in the entire sexual life of a couple.
Eroticism is not the same as sexuality, sex is based on action, while eroticism is more in the mind, eroticism means the link with vitality and desire.
One way to relive erotic emotion in your partner can be to create a private WhatsApp, email or facebook account, exclusively for you, this account will serve to play and flirt, creating new sexual curiosities in your partner.
Performing a sexual fantasy will end boredom. Anything that can trigger this fantasy, be it erotic games, movies, video recording, etc. , can bring your sexual life to life as a couple, but remember that to sexually attract your partner, you must know yourself.
Excessive security in one relationship is a great enemy to maintain sexual interest in the other. As we have already said, is it about discovering, trying, looking for other means?The routine of sex life can lead to boredom or fatigue of the acquaintance, making the touch of mystery disappear. For example, women who focus on raising their children and see the sexual experience with their partner as a more daily burden, and men who focus on work and take the experience the same way.
If the so-called “excess security” appears in your relationship, you must be responsible for contributing to this withdrawal, for not having enough time for you and for intimacy. Get your partner’s attention and take the initiative to pique your interest. Desire, in itself, will help you and can be a great ally to bring you closer.
According to Perel, women assume their role as managers of surplus household, child and work incomes, etc. To say that women do not want sex is a prejudice, what happens is that they may be exhausted even from feeling their own sexuality, they do not even feel attractive or erotic with their partners, so it is essential that the couple remind them how beautiful, erotic and exciting she is.
When in a relationship one is interested in sex, closeness or eroticism, but the other is not, a feeling of anxiety is created that, if repeated, can lead to frustration. At this point, it is necessary to take immediate charge of the situation and start a close and honest conversation on how to remedy the situation.
If anxiety and, subsequently, frustration, are not corrected immediately, by the simple lack of communication and expression of desire between them, you can reach a limit, resulting in an adventure or infidelity, and / or a divorce or separation.
According to Perel, infidelity does not always mean compensating for or filling the void that exists in a relationship, in this case infidelity is an alarm to put more energy into the regeneration of a relationship.
Expectations about the nature of the sexual encounter or how the other person should act are also a major obstacle to the development of a full sex life, as well as past experiences, so it is important that you focus on the present and enjoy the moment with your partner. current partner.
Stress and lifestyle or work changes can also have an impact: having stressful situations will cause fatigue and can influence your sexual desire.
Do you agree with Perel’s statements?Are you talking to your partner about possible sexual dissatisfaction?