Much has been said about toxic people and how we can live with them or get away from them in our daily life, what happens when the person who sucks our energy is a friend? How to identify a toxic friendship?
A toxic friendship is not made up of one person, the toxic always refers to at least two, in some cases both involved in this type of friendship have obvious behaviors of toxicity, in other cases one is an active agent and the other is a passive agent, and the latter almost always has very low self-esteem. In fact, it’s not a story about good and bad people, but about inappropriate and destructive relationships and forms.
- Orientals have a maxim that may seem very obvious.
- But which involves a lot of wisdom: “Similar people are attracted.
- “In human relationships.
- Consciously and unconsciously.
- We seek out and attract people with positive and negative aspects similar to our own.
- It is common for a person with high mental health to end up involved with a neurotic or “toxic” person.
- Perhaps low self-esteem and continued devaluation or treatment in childhood are the cause of someone joining others who create this toxic friendship.
“What makes friendships indissoluble and double their charm is a feeling that is lacking in love, is certainty. -Horor de Balzac-
No one’s one? Where to escape from. But no one is perfect to live without getting it wrong or getting better. Toxic friendship involves a destructive bond, in which each part contributes its own grain of sand.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of changing that link. Sometimes there is no choice but to end this friendship, the really important thing is to understand what are the symptoms that reveal an inappropriate relationship, know how to identify a toxic friendship, these are some of the symptoms.
Toxic friendship is common among people with low self-esteem. One of the most damaging aspects of this type of connection is that criticism is not expressly expressed, but secretly; if fully talked about, they could lead to a departure. Therefore, the resource of subtleties, ironies, sarcasm and subliminal messages is used.
The content of these messages is aggressive. They seek to diminish the value of the other person or their achievements. In a toxic friendship, there is an ambivalence: people are both friends and enemies. There is proximity and distance at the same time. To support this double game the hidden criticism is used, the most common is the criticism of both sides, which lasts over time, the two people get hurt, but manage to cover themselves.
There are friends with which you always end up breaking a rule, in particular there are people whose relationship is based on alcohol consumption or other psychoactive, there are also cases where you maintain the link to hide infidelities with the partner, evade obligations or perform any excess. In this case, it is complicity in the negative sense of the word. This is commonly referred to as “bad company. “
In this case, there is a toxic friendship because I, friend, it is just a bond to support a less constructive behavior, neither is interested in the welfare of the other, they are simply used to maintain an aspect of the personality that is not Most of the Sometimes, this type of friendship ends when either party wants to improve, in fact, the other will try by all means to avoid this change because it would be without its accomplice of transgressions.
A clear symptom of a toxic friendship is the feeling that permeates you after spending time with that person, sometimes you feel like a burden. He feels emotionally exhausted, he may even feel a little irritated, but he doesn’t clearly identify the cause, sometimes he also feels sad or guilty.
Chances are there’s a network of unconscious symptoms that unies you, so you feel bad after spending time with that person and that’s exactly why you end up abandoning that friendship, the union between the two is neurotic and depends on feelings or desires that are not conscious. The truth is that it causes discomfort, but it is as if it is inevitable to relive the same experience.
There are friends who come together around something negative, sometimes it has to do with scathing criticisms of others, in this kind of toxic friendship there is a lot of gossip, intrigue and slander about others, what is shared is a decanting point of view that feeds on pre-existing conflicts, this attitude is reinforced and uneded.
In other cases, there are allegations about what matters, not that one looks for each other’s shoulder to vent, but that it is about fighting to see who best occupies the victim’s place or to reinforce each one. victimism of others, they look and review their difficulties and repent of them, but they do not take an attitude to face them, on the contrary. They love their wounds and take care of themselves, but they’re not interested in solving them.
A healthy friendship must assume reciprocity and balance, however, there are people who seek out their friends just to ask, they see themselves as someone who really needs others, in this logic surely others have implicit obligation to give, in many cases, they do not realize that they are because their self-centeredness prevents them from doing so.
The absence of reciprocity manifests itself when, for example, it is one who speaks, while the other should only listen, or when one of us feels that his problems are definitely more important and priority than those of the other. There are also cases, where when someone is in trouble, the so-called friend disappears. You can only count on him when everything’s fine.
A toxic friendship requires a lot more than it gives. It actually has little to do with friendship, there may be true mutual sympathy, but the way the bond is structured and/or the relationship is achieved makes it harmful to both, not only the other person is the problem, who also passively tolerates this type of relationship.
We always end up looking a little like the people around us, if our goal is to be better and better, grow and protect our well-being, it is important to know how to identify a toxic friendship and choose the type of person you want to be with.