How do you explain death to children based on their age?In this article we will answer this question and make a brief evolutionary review of the different stages, from childhood to adolescence.
How do you explain death to children?Before responding, another concept should be mentioned here: grief or how to live a loss or death, grief is a complex process that we face when we lose a loved one, but it also happens when we meet, lose a job, acquire a disability, etc. , it is a process of reorganization and restructuring of reality that will allow us to adapt to the new life that leaves this loss.
- In this article we will answer the question of how to explain death to children through the tips and tricks of the Catalan Society of Pediatrics and the Taul Park of Sabadell.
- As we will see below.
- The tips vary slightly depending on the age.
- And this has a lot to do with the evolution of the child and with the concept of death that is lived in each evolutionary period.
First, we will explain the stage of development of the child according to their age group (psychological, social, linguistic, autonomy, etc. ), and then we will address the question of how they understand death at their age and how we can explain to them the death of a loved one. These above points will be essential to understand why we should use specific language and tricks and not others.
“Any attempt to eliminate pain irritates even more. Should we wait until he is digested and his remains dissipend?. . Samuel Johnson?
Early childhood covers the period of life from birth to age 2. In this age group, the world of young children revolves around the routines of daily life and contact with caregivers is paramount.
At age 2, language is at its peak and children can understand and speak words related to their daily lives, they can feel and express basic emotions, such as pleasure or anger, through their behavior.
What’s the pain like at this age? At two years old, children still do not understand death, logically if the deceased is their primary caregiver, it will affect the child, even if he cannot understand what is going on, so preserving the daily routine of the child as much as possible In addition, it is important that, if possible, the primary caregiver continues to provide daily care.
In addition, it should be noted that very intense emotional expressions on the part of the adult can distress the child, in this sense, until the age of 2, children express their emotions through behavior and not language.
As we have seen, early childhood bereavement is very special, but it is important to note that it is important that the child does not feel carefree or lose contact with other reference figures.
Although understanding is very limited in early childhood, it is necessary to communicate the news. As long as the child has the language, it will be important to use simple and short words or phrases and transmit the news clearly and calmly, providing a safe environment. The news must be communicated by the main caregiver, in a comfortable and familiar environment. place for the child.
When should this be done? When the adult feels he has his emotions under control. In addition, after the press release, there should be a possibility that the child will return to the normal game or routine. Back to normal is very important at this stage.
How do you explain death to children between the age of 3 and 5?First, let’s see how development develops at these ages, between the ages of 3 and 5 children tend to be agitated and curious, and begin to gain autonomy (in addition to asking for it), fears and fantasies can appear. Language is beginning to consolidate.
Mentally, their thinking is self-centered, which means they understand the world of themselves and their own experiences, on the other hand, when interpreting the facts, their reflection here is not very flexible and a little magical.
How’s the duel right now? According to the experts, the children here do not understand that death is universal and that one day we will all die, they have a reversible concept of death (i. e. , it is not forever), their magical thinking leads them to confuse a thought with a fact ( Can you think that?If you think about death, will it happen ?, for example).
How do you explain death to children of these ages?According to the Society of Pediatrics, we must offer a concrete and real explanation, based on his daily life and experience, the explanation will be given by the primary caregiver when the child is calm, in a safe place for him.
News should be communicated as soon as possible, there is no need to wait. Finally, we must offer the child a space to solve his doubts, if he has them.
In this age group, autonomy is at its peak and language is already developed. Children speak and understand increasingly abstract and symbolic concepts. In addition, their thinking is more flexible and thoughtful, and they are very curious. Finally, most are able to differentiate reality from fantasy.
In relation to death, this is where they begin to understand that death has no return, that is, it is irreversible; they also understand that the body stops working when we die; are not yet part of the idea of themselves. death, but they are concerned about the possibility of a loved one dying.
It will be essential not to deceive them or use metaphors, as this can frustrate them and generate more doubts and confusion, at this point it is normal to seek explanations, so we must be available to solve your doubts frankly and clearly. .
The communication of current events must be done through a clear, real and brief explanation, and should not be too long to transmit.
At these ages, changes in puberty begin. The mastery of language is already complete and their reflection allows them to reason logically about abstract situations, they can identify and express complex emotions (such as disappointment) and also understand that different emotions can coexist simultaneously.
In pre-teaching, the concept of death has been fully developed and, in relation to it, they understand the following:
How do you explain death to tweens? As in previous times, we will do so in a clear, brief and sincere way.
We will find an intimate and quiet place to do so, and let the teen express his emotions and communicate his doubts or questions.
Finally, we enter adolescence, a stage characterized by changes in all senses, most teenagers start a struggle for independence that, in many cases, gradually configures their self-image, as well as a more accurate image of their environment. these reasons why mourning in adolescence is different from bereavement in childhood or adulthood.
This is a delicate step, in which there will be a moment of vulnerability, the losses here are usually very significant because they have had time to establish a relationship with the deceased, on the other hand, they are able to understand what a death means. .
What will the duel look like? It will be more or less intense depending on the degree of intimacy and connection with the deceased, the circumstances of death, the possibility or not of saying goodbye, etc.
In this particularly sensitive step, we must explain death definitively and its reason carefully.
Ideally, the news should be communicated by the person with the closest connection to the teen, in an intimate place and as quickly as possible, we must do so honestly and concisely, respecting their space and being available to solve any problems that may arise.