What are the keys to strengthening the relationship through acceptance and engagement therapy?In this article we will review them following Russ Harris’ proposals.
Russ Harris is on the list of psychotherapy professionals who take an acceptance and engagement therapy (ACT) approach. Of British origin, he is currently one of the MOST recognized experts of the ACT. Russ Harris applies this therapy individually and as a couple, when loved. with two it becomes particularly difficult and emotions are at the forefront.
- Russ Harris is the author of one of the best-selling self-help books.
- The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling.
- Start Living.
- There is another book that must also be translated into Portuguese.
- Whose equivalent title would be AGIR with love.
- This article will focus on the key ideas expressed about intimate partner love and conflict management according to ACT.
- Following the main ideas championed by Russ Harris.
Relationships come and go. They can be wonderful a few days and absolutely terrible others. The difficulty of love for two is intimately related to the challenges posed by the flow of emotions, both in the bond and on an individual level.
Emotions that vary due to their dynamic nature, at the beginning of the relationship the main emotions are usually those related to affection and dedication to the couple, however, once the relationship has stabilized, the intensity with which these pleasant emotions are felt.
In short, loving two can produce some unpleasant emotions, some may arise from the expectation that the couple will meet all our needs and requests, resulting in a cycle of discomfort that is not easy to get out of. This cycle of discomfort leads each partner to focus more on what the other is doing for them, rather than seeing how the relationship as a whole is added together.
On the attention issue, unmet needs or frustrated expectations begin to stand out from the needs or expectations met.
Couples can also be harmed by a series of myths that society nurtures and conveys, misconceptions that affect their mutual expectations, the roles that each must play to love as a couple, or the demands that are posed to them. this list would be:
He is considered the ideal and impeccable person. One that meets all the needs of the other person on its own. This kind of fantasy imposed by society in the form of books, romantic films or even fairy tales harms the relationship.
Beliefs about what each other’s relationship and behavior should look like can conflict with reality, the opposite effect is achieved: highlighting or highlighting the weakest points of the relationship.
The idea of being born as incomplete beings who need to know their other half of orange is very common. How many songs say things like, without you, I’m nothing??
As a result, we commit each other to meeting our needs. In addition, there is a tendency to think that loving two means meeting the needs of the other person, an idea that is counterproductive to the relationship.
This belief has consequences on the relationship, as some people can follow this concept to the letter, becoming more dependent and fearing the possibility of being alone.
Loving two can be easy at the beginning of the relationship, however, over time, the differences between the two people emerge, is that what we commonly call incompatibilities?In today’s jargon.
These inconsistencies go back to the first point about “the perfect match”. Therefore, loving two is not easy. For the link to survive difficulties, understanding, complicity or intimacy, as well as negotiating key points and accepting differences, is necessary without turning them into instruments to face in times of crisis.
Russ Harris refers to the term psychological flexibility to love two, this term refers to assuming the situations of daily life in a couple with some openness to experience, being in contact with the present moment to carry out effective actions oriented to the values of the couple.
Greater psychological flexibility leads to improvements in situations of discomfort affecting the partner. These enhancements include the following:
Firstly, it is necessary to re-comment that there is currently no Portuguese translation of this book, so it should be read in English. Russell Harris alludes to the top readers who can benefit from its content:
In short, the book summarizes the different uses of acceptance and commitment therapy and how it can be integrated into the relationship. At the end of each chapter, a series of activities are offered to couples or therapists who wish to implement the theory.
However, this is not a step by step. Russ Harris writes about theoretical concepts, examples of everyday life and relationship improvement techniques, sometimes these strategies can work and sometimes not, depending on the time and quality of the relationship, so separation processes are standardized as one more process in the relationship. And also for this reason, it is recommended that any intervention be guided and supervised by an experienced specialist.