More often than we would like, the world is not as pleasant as it should be. It’s not uncommon to find indifference or lack of solidarity, but you learn to cope. The bad news is that sometimes not only do you have to deal with the coldness of the environment, but you almost imperceptibly end up feeling emotionally abused with all the talk.
This happens in a supermarket when your place is deliberately stolen online, it also happens at work, if you’re unlucky enough to fall in love with those bosses who look more like dictators, abuse is also becoming more common in schools and why not, at home.
- Faced with the abusive issue.
- There are those who react effectively.
- Put a limit on psychological aggression.
- Without thinking too much about it.
- On the contrary.
- Others react being even more abusive and the outcome is always unpredictable.
- Who is better trained to abuse others wins psychologically.
- Even if they usually negotiate to stay the same.
But in many people, especially if they have received a very restrictive, overprotective education or have doubts about themselves, childhood fears arise, the cracks of self-image, are the favorite victims of perpetrators. Fear is fertile ground to mount his little empire of arbitrariness.
Then a very strong bond develops: the abusive person desperately needs his victim to compensate for his narcissistic need for power; and the victim feels it is totally impossible to escape from his aggressor, who does not have the attributes necessary to do so.
The bad news is that breaking this vicious cycle requires a great investment of energy and value. The good news is that even in the most extreme cases, it is possible to leave. The question is: how?
The first task is to recognize your status as a victim, do not be tempted to justify the abuses you receive, every abused person feels internally that, one way or another, they deserve it, this is a lie. It’s an unconscious reaction because of conflicts with yourself and with authority figures from your past.
Your next step must be to find the support of others. Don’t look for someone to save you, start by exposing your situation to people you trust. If solidarity is part of the problem (as is often the case), it is. It doesn’t matter if I’m looking for a priest. Talk to the manicure. Tell a neighbor. The important thing here is not to seek advice, but to verbalize what happened. In doing so, you are likely to feel stronger and stronger.
Identify the expressions the abuser uses to intimidate you. Remember that abuse is in every statement that defies its value or undermines it as a human being. Faced with these statements, he begins to oppose formulas of language that reaffirm your presence. For example, in front of the classic “You’re not able to”, answer with” This may not be the case right now. But I want to learn to be capable and I’ll try.
Then you need to gradually expand the emotional distance with the abuser. Never trust him and start taking him away from the private aspects of your life. Don’t negotiate, be firm. When you feel it’s the right time, start expressing your discomfort clearly and directly because of the way it treats you. Don’t blame him. If you do, it will give you the foot to make a long list of excuses. It’s better to tell you how you feel: “When you scream, I’m scared and I don’t want to feel that way.
Expand the scope of these actions more and more and you’ll see how, step by step, you’ll get out of the abusive circle. If the situation is more serious and carries psychological or physical dangers, do not hesitate: you should seek the help of a professional, it is your obligation to consult with a psychologist and a lawyer, do so as soon as possible and do not let yourself be postponed.
Image courtesy of Bruno.