Overcoming fear of abandonment and achieving emotional autonomy is no easy task, however, this can be done when we are convinced of something: how precious we are, at that point we can be important, enlightened and strong without relying on anyone. we can give ourselves the love we deserve, everything changes.
There are people who from a very young time have had to face one of the most difficult experiences: abandonment, however, we are not only talking about the fact that we grew up with the absence of reference parents, sometimes there is no more obvious pain than emotional abandonment.
- Having parents present.
- But eternally absent.
- Who at no time fed them emotionally.
- Nor did they form the foundations and solid foundations of a secure and supportive attachment.
The early experience of abandonment leaves its mark, as does the continuous impression of the emotional failures with which, little by little, the person develops a feeling of shame, helplessness and anguish. The anguish of feeling a feeling of chronic and continuous loss.
All this stems from that abandonment that somehow leaves in our minds messages or ideas such as the fact that we will never be loved, that loneliness is our only refuge and that no one is trustworthy.
Continuous abandonment distorts reality and our thinking, however, there is a fact that needs to be understood, the fear of being abandoned at some point by the people we love is understandable (especially if we have already suffered).
The pathological thing is anxiety, it is allowed to be invaded by obsessive thoughts related to the permanent idea that one will be abandoned over and over again.
Exiting these states is possible. Let’s see how
“Fear is my most faithful companion, I have never been deceived to be with another person. ” – Woody Allen-
Fear of abandonment is like a prison. It is an enclosed and suffocating space that boycotts all our relationships, however, far from torturing us by living this reality, understanding its foundations can help us better manage these situations.
For one thing, fear of abandonment is a primary fear, what does that mean?Basically, as a species, nothing is as important to humans and their development as feeling, from an early age, that we have reference people who support us.
Parents or characters who give us a safe affection, a sense of security and trust, if this does not exist from birth and childhood, our brain feels an abysmal void, that is when we are most vulnerable to the development of certain mood disorders.
For example, the Journal of Youth and Adolescence published an interesting study by the Arizona State University Department of Psychology, which showed something similar, we see that fear of abandonment appears primarily in people who have suffered the death of one of their parents.
However, once we learn to cope with this original anguish, as soon as we heal this wound, everything changes, in the end we manage to get out of this prison inhabited only by needs, voids and open wounds to live with greater integrity.
Living one or more abandonments traumatically makes us think that we have no value, low self-esteem not only adds to the fear that it will happen again, anxiety also appears and the fact that we do not know how to manage a New Relationship.
In the end, we end up creating toxic dynamics in which we need each other too much, we lose authenticity in our aspiration to be loved, nurtured and validated in our needs.
Love obsessively based on the need lives on suffering, no one deserves to live in a situation like this and, therefore, it is necessary to learn to overcome the fear of abandonment, let us look at some strategies to achieve it.
To conclude, I must emphasize once again that this healing process is not simple, the trace of abandonment, whether physical or emotional, often leaves a deep and persistent imprint, it is a long and tortuous path that sometimes we cannot undertake because of our account.
So, in case you realize that this fear of constant abandonment is something recurrent and the cause of not having a solid and satisfactory relationship, do not hesitate to seek the help of a professional.
We deserve to be self-sufficient, we deserve to overcome the fear of abandonment once and for all.