A couple can be separated at any time, regardless of age or circumstances. However, adult children sometimes don’t know how to handle their parents’ divorce. What are you doing in this situation?
Overcoming the separation of parents into adulthood is very difficult, but many see it as a kind of taboo. Most people, when they hear about divorce, think about how dangerous it is for children; however, it can also be devastating and difficult for those in their twenties, thirties, or even forty years.
- That said.
- It is true that this event may be more sensitive for a child.
- But it is important to note that adults are not exempt from experiencing certain emotions.
- Internal conflicts and even resistances.
- Some point out.
- For example.
- That children often see their parents’ relationship as a kind of sacred institution.
- An eternal and indestructible bond.
However, couples are separated, marriages are broken and love fades, as can patience, separations can occur at any age, even in the most advanced, in those where children are already adults, let us go a little further in the experience of this situation and how it should be treated.
Psychology says no change or transition is easy. Being an adult doesn’t make it easier to manage parent separation, in fact, you can add more complex factors for which you may not be prepared. On average, it’s common for children to separate when children are in their twenties.
What’s the reason for this? It is at this age that they become independent, whether they continue to live at home or not, are already self-sufficient to make their own decisions, take care of themselves and build their own lives away from their parents. their parents find themselves in an empty nest, in which they stop focusing their concerns and activities on their children to focus on them after all these years.
It is at this point that they sometimes discover something they do not like very much, to be in a relationship that is no longer rewarding, lacking intimacy and in which each has their own interests takes most of the time to divorce. It is always time to start a new life, so separation is not only understandable, but necessary, however, this does not mean that children see it in the same way.
As you can see so far, overcoming the separation of your parents into adulthood is not as easy as you imagine. Let’s look at some tips for handling this correctly.
Society generally gives children more permission to show their emotions, so it’s normal for a 6-, 10- or 12-year-old to cry, get angry, or feel bad about their parents’ separation. this is generally not the case for adult children.
Despite this, it is important to clarify something: it is quite normal, understandable and you are even supposed to feel contradiction, sadness and even anger in these situations, being emotionally healthy means feeling the right emotions at the right time and knowing how to deal with them. .
When it comes to overcoming the separation of your parents the most important thing is to accept this situation, it is not your responsibility to solve it no matter how much you want it, sometimes it is an already expected situation and it is essential to see from a different angle: it will give your parents the opportunity to be happy again.
Accepting, understanding and assuming this new reality is an obligation, however, this does not mean that you cannot feel pain and sadness.
Sometimes this situation can be motivated by very different causes: infidelity, mistreatment and unethical behaviors, among others, it is very common to be on the side of the victim in these circumstances (whether your mother or father), these situations are very delicate and you have to handle them well so as not to aggravate suffering any more.
Ideally, you should be as balanced as possible. In this way, you will also avoid being part of this type of blackmail that sometimes occurs when separations are problematic, try to balance the separation in the best possible way.
It’s important to have someone to talk to about this situation. It’s a good idea to open up to someone outside the family, whether it’s a friend, partner or psychologist. Sometimes overcoming your parents’ separation can be incredibly difficult because of the guilt you may feel, as if there was something you could have done to prevent this from happening.
That’s why you need to talk about your thoughts and feelings and also how to manage changes. What will my parents’ visits be like separately?What will my relationship with them be like now? Evacuating concerns is cathartic.
There’s no point in being angry with them or frustrated with your decision. Your parents have their own needs, are independent and can choose to take separate paths. They have every right to start a separate life if they wish.
To better deal with this situation it is good to remember what each of them has done for you. Remember your strengths, what they have taught you, and your qualities and virtues. Don’t look for the culprits because, at the end of the day, life is complicated and we all have to make decisions to achieve well-being, and they won’t change their love for you, so it’s not worth changing how you feel about them.
Overcoming divorce from parents in adulthood can be very difficult, but it is possible. Changes are always complicated, but they can lead to more rewarding moments.