Many of us let someone dwell in our hearts on one condition: that they do not break anything, we act and warn, but they still take us off guard, this happens when, for example, we find ourselves facing an inexplicable end of relationship, when overnight they use magic dust and disappear as entities to the afterlife, without one?or ‘I’m sorry, it’s over. ‘
They say all broken people are made up of unresolved stories. Somehow, most of the outstanding themes that fluctuate in our minds evoke the last annoyances of this fiery past. Now, sometimes the question is more complicated. As much as it is composed of poorly resolved chapters, what is in us are endless stories, shadows of people who have left us overnight without giving a reason.
“Abandoned field, proclaimed fire”. -Anonymous-
We know the subject is not new. In the United States, accustomed to labeling every feature, behavior, or dynamics, the situation is called “ghost. “This act of disappearing the life of someone with whom, until recently, he had an emotional connection?It is so recurring that on average, it happens to all of us at least once or twice in life or, worse, we can adopt this behavior ourselves.
Thus, while it is often said that leaving someone without explanation is a masculine art, you have to take into account certain aspects, abandoning without giving reason is not an art, it is a lack of respect and a characteristic of immaturity. it has no male exclusivity. Men and women do so, especially in this era of new technologies, where it is possible to end a relationship with a single click and/or a single blockage.
There is no written law that tells us before leaving someone, you have to tell them why, no one forces us to have this final conversation, to list one by one the reasons for our decision, of change, nor do we sign a contract that forces us to explain why the heart no longer beats in the same way.
Thus, no one governs the rules of what should or should not be done in an affective relationship, however, there is a sense of ethics, moral and emotional respect, there is maturity and courage, therefore, and since this kind of principle we do not come from the factory, but since education, many people have to face an inexplicable end of relationship and what it implies.
While there is not much clinical literature about all the psychological processes that the abandoned person tends to experience, it can be said that they almost always follow the same dynamics and are:
There are no abandonments for no reason. Unexplained endings happen more often than we think, and you need to know how to deal with them, how to respond to them, and, above all, survive them. Let’s look at some guidelines that can help us in these cases.
Unnswered calls, un redeemed messages, blocked social profiles. Days that turn into weeks without communication, contact and even less presence. Do this person’s contacts, friends and family hesitate and make excuses?
We could cite more clues, but the evidence underpinning the idea of abandonment and termination is clear, let us not prolong the inevitable and proceed to accept what happened: we must say goodbye to each other before their silence.
They will tell you ‘turn page’, ‘accept’, ‘forget the person’, because everything will come a little later. The first and most necessary step is to validate ourselves and what we feel, it is time to recognize the wound, to cry, to externalize this pain and to rediscover this fragmented being.
As hard as we try, it won’t always be possible to make an appointment with that person to give us a reason, and that’s something we have to assume: we’ll have to shape the duel without a final conversation. a solution to this, and for that we must combine courage and responsibility.
If something remains after an unexplained rupture is pain and anger, it must be understood that these two dimensions do not disappear on their own over time, are resilient, fit and can completely condition our lives.
So let’s learn how to deal with it. To do this, it is advisable to start new activities, have the support of friends and family, launch projects that we are passionate about and that allow us to channel these complex emotions that undermine identities and sell new happiness.
Anyone facing an unexplained ending lives rooted in the past and in conditional time. What would have happened if I’d done something else, what if I’d said that?Why didn’t I notice?
This kind of reasoning is an inexhaustible source of suffering
Finally, we still have one task left. Make our current suffering a constructive learning experience. It is clear that few pains are as deep as the wound of abandonment, however, our human potential can allow us to get out of it. We can survive this failure without explanation, we can continue because we will have the tools for it.