Sometimes we think that shame and shyness are the same, we talk, for example, about overcoming the shame of speaking in public or expressing an opinion in a daily and informal conversation, but shame is much more than shyness. Above all, it is a feeling of personal indignity, it is a certain conviction that the person does not deserve much.
In this context, overcoming deep shame is not at all simple, usually has its origins in a strong experience, or in various experiences, that occurred during childhood and that are related to the devaluation of the child, of course, can also be the result. traumatic or abusive experience, as well as severe child abuse. The feeling has deep roots and becomes very difficult to eradicate.
“Shame is the lie you tell when you talk about yourself. ” – Anais Nin-
In these cases, shame is a mechanism that allows the child to protect themselves; the adult, supposedly in the role of caregiver, rejects certain expressions of the child, or even his nascent personality; in these early periods of life, adult affection is extremely important. That’s why the child learns to be the way the adult wants him to be. Do you develop one? That’s what’s imposed, and any behavior that results from it can seem embarrassing.
Shame is often associated with depression, and strange as it may seem, there is also fear of yourself, distrust of what it is and what it can be, there is also a contained rage, which often ends up turning against you, all this causes the person to turn away from others out of caution, and thus ends up depriving himself of the affection of these people as well. However, it is possible to overcome shame, and these are 5 ways to try to succeed in this business.
To overcome shame it is necessary to understand how it occurs, to maintain an attentive attitude towards oneself. If necessary, bring with you a notebook to write down everything you can see in yourself, what we want here is to detect exactly in which situations shame appears.
It’s important that you can identify what embarrasses you, what aspect of you is most related to it. Pay special attention to the self-criticism you do. What words and messages come to mind when you’re embarrassed?All this information will be of great help to you to overcome the problem.
Try to think of the most important people in your childhood, how did they treat you?Why did they do what they did and didn’t do the opposite, what parts of you have rejected it and why do you think it happened?
Often, when we look at these beloved and feared characters from our childhood from a safe distance, we are able to take a new perspective, we find, for example, answers that show us that the problem is not in us, but in themselves. It is great to cut the relationship between rejection and our way of being, that is, it is good to understand that there is nothing wrong with us when we are rejected, what exists is a problem for those who have rejected us.
We must learn to be our own allies. A good friend only makes constructive criticisms, does not constantly point out defects in you and does not point his finger, does not look at the other with suspicion or concentrate on the mistakes he makes, we have to be like this: good friends with ourselves.
To overcome shame, it is essential to start seeing yourself and treating yourself with kindness. In other words, that we are able to look at ourselves with love. We should try, even if it seems impossible or even ineffective at first. The results may surprise you.
Accepting who we are is critical to moving forward. To accept is not to want to change, it is to understand who we are and to know that we are no more or less than others. We are who we are, simply. There are parts of us that we cannot change, and what we can take takes time and patience is not from today to tomorrow, in any case, any change always begins with acceptance, recognition that we are in one place and that we would. I like to get somewhere else, so honesty with yourself is so important to evolve.
On the other hand, knowing better our sense of shame, analyzing the past and developing a global attitude towards oneself should in itself serve to build self-ception. It’s not easy. It takes years to do something different so many times before the brain can change its programming to new behavior. Fortunately, however, it is possible. Little by little we can overcome shame.
The process of overcoming shame is done from the inside out, but also from the outside inwards, as you move through your business, it would also be a good place to set goals, face yourself and expose yourself to what embarrasses you, starting with what causes less fear and gradually increases the difficulty.
These 5 strategies are effective and must be applied systematically and with perseverance, however, these processes often require the help of a professional, as a psychologist, to succeed, the path will basically be the same, but you will have help and support that could be the momentum that was missing. It’s worth considering this option.