All of us, to a greater or lesser extent, need a dose of external approval, we are social beings by nature, but there is a line that separates the normal, that we have all felt, from the pathological, where the person has personal problems for that reason.
As Steve Jobs said, “Don’t let the sound of other people’s opinions drown out your inner voice. “A wise phrase, easy to understand, but difficult to implement. Does every human being want to please, be flattered, etc. ?? which is not necessarily a negative thing, as long as it is not excessive and personal well-being is not dependent on others.
- To understand why some adults have this need for approval.
- We have to go back to childhood.
- In the early stages of life we need external approval that.
- If not received.
- Can lead to self-esteem problems in adult life.
If, for example, a mother tells her child that it is a disaster, does not trust her, and instead of paying attention to her virtues, focuses on the flaws, that growing child will have a weakened self-esteem and therefore lose recourse to others for it. His family didn’t grant him approval.
This lack of family approval will not always lead to low self-esteem, as other people in school, such as friends, acquaintances, teachers, can replace family appreciation. The family is often the most important pillar, but sometimes a child can develop and develop. Develop healthy self-esteem by living with other important members outside the family.
Our image of ourselves was built on what we receive from the world, so it makes sense that even as adults, we always seek a little approval to give us security, everyone likes to be congratulated, but the line between a healthy approval search and another The topic would be to analyze whether our behavior and decisions vary according to external opinions.
We could talk about addiction when we leave the reins of our lives to the opinions of others, it is one thing to want approval, but the line that crosses the pathological would need it to feel good. Think, is it a wish or is it a desire?Here are 5 alarm attitudes that might indicate that we depend on the approval of others:
1. Have a different opinion than someone else and do not express it, to please and not disturb the person who has the opposite opinion.
2. Our emotions vary according to external opinion. If we are flattered and approved, we feel euphoric and happy, but if we are criticized and reproached, we feel sad and of little value.
3. No know how to say and do favors to others before they listen to their own needs.
4. Excessive concern for appearance. It is one thing to love to dress and do it often; The problem is when it becomes a necessity and no one can see us careless, without makeup or in need of health, people who do not need the approval of others have no problem showing the same as they are, right after waking up, for example. .
5- Fear of rejection. If society finds it very correct and we lose our naturalness and our spontaneity, we may be afraid of being rejected, so we try to go unnoticed, so that we cannot receive any criticism.
We can eliminate the need for approval by changing our thoughts and beliefs. Understanding is not enough; you have to think deeply and believe in the following:
? We cannot please everyone: whoever you are, have the virtues you have, you will never please everyone, someone will always criticize us and rebuke us, and it will happen to every human being on this planet, therefore, having the need for approval as addiction is quite irrational.
? Nobody knows us as ourselves: another bad thought is to believe that others are masters of the truth; people who depend on approval believe more in external opinions than their own; nobody knows us as well as we do, and people often give false opinions without rational basis. Therefore, we must never give so much power to what others think of us, because they make mistakes, and we ourselves must have stable criteria of self-knowledge.
? Make your own decisions: Whenever we have to make a decision, we have to ask ourselves this question: “Based on what do we make this decision?Are we influenced by the opinions and desires of others?What do we want, leaving aside from social opinion ??
? We are no more or less than others: we are no less or more than others, we are all the same, no matter how successful we are, no possessions or self-confidence, what matters is who you are as a person, the human values that define you.
? Disapproval does not mean rejection towards us: Normally, any criticism is considered personal, when in fact it can be a rejection of a taste, a lifestyle, an opinion, etc. For example, someone may disapprove of others for musical or political tastes. Contradictions. That’s not to say we’re rejected as a person, it’s just a matter of incompatible tastes.
Criticism of mistakes made is also often taken personally, when in reality what was rejected was simply a way of doing evil. This error does not define a person, since every human being makes mistakes and thanks to them we can evolve.
? Those who do not seek it and do not need it often have more approval: paradoxically, people who do not think about approval are generally more accepted than those who seek it, the explanation would be that the authentic pleases more, even if it does not coincide with our opinions, than the submissive one. So be yourself without seeking that approval; Be authentic without worrying about external opinion, because when trying to please, you will get the opposite effect.
? Boost your self-esteem: one of the main causes of the need for approval is low self-esteem, strengthening it will help us improve the problem. When we believe that we are good people and that we have a positive opinion of ourselves, disapproval will not hurt us, because we will see it as a natural thing that happens in life, the key is to believe in oneself despite what is happening abroad. .
? Accept the differences between people: we are not all equal; everyone has different tastes, opinions and lifestyles. Being different doesn’t mean being better or worse. We’ll find opposing people we don’t quite agree with, and that’s normal.
Photo courtesy of Svetlana Undalova